Yes, My Dogs Speak English

My dogs were tagged decades ago by YD - decades ago! They took forever with their answers - plus, Wylie wanted a new photo so we had to wait for a good fur day. Quelle the drama! Also, they typed in their answers using their paws; have you ever tried to edit paw-typing? I didn't think so. Well anyway, here are their answers to the meme/tag...





















What breed are you?
Wylie: Yorkshire Terrier, obviously.

Marcel: What he said, but without the obviously.

How old are you?
Wylie: I am 4 1/2, but am going on 50. No matter what my parents tell me, I feel the world rests on my shoulders and it clearly ages me. I feel my fur is thinning and I'm wondering about fur plugs.

Marcel: I am 2, but I feel 1 & 3/4 actually.

What is your full name?
Wylie: Wylie "The Floop" Fitzsmudge

Marcel: Marcel Verdel Purcell

Do you have any nicknames?
Wylie: My main nickname is Floop. Others are: The Little, Wi-fi, Floopinator, Floopindigenous.

Marcel: The Triple Little, The Verdel, MVP, Verdellion, Punkin'.

Where do you usually sleep?
Wylie: Under the covers, curled up against my Dad.

Marcel: Under the covers, curled up against my Mom.

What is your favorite thing to do?
Wylie: Fetch, fetch, and fetch. And then also fetch. Although I do like chewing bones. And I like going for walks so I can acquire territory through various bodily functions.

Marcel: Licking nostrils. It's like a drug. Probably better than sex; though I've never had the sex. I do hump a stuffed toy though.

What is something unusual/interesting about you?
Wylie: Excuse me? Um, EVERYTHING about me is unusual and interesting.

Marcel: For only weighing 3 pounds, my manhood is simply ginormous. My Dad, Tony, always says "like father, like son". I don't know what that means.

Who is your best friend?
Wylie: I'm a daddy's boy. But I also love my Mom; I tolerate Marcel. I guess I like him sometimes but not really all that often. I'd rather he didn't know I like him sometimes.

Marcel: My Mom. But I love Dad and Wylie too.

Did you go to obedience school? If yes, were you Top Dog or did you flunk out?
Wylie: I went, I saw, I conquered. I was the smallest dog there, but I rocked the class. My graduation trick was "Touchdown!", which just totally slayed the other mutts. There was a boxer there, a total freak - and he just sat and stared at me the entire time, every class. I don't know if he wanted to kill me or just sniff my butt.

Marcel: Obedience? What is that? Never heard of the thing.

Can you do any tricks?
Wylie: Um, duh. See above answer.

Marcel: Yes! I can pee on carpet just like *that*. Nobody even has to ask me!

Any last comments?
Wylie: Well, even though I was a McCain supporter, I just want to say that I'm excited about a new dog in the big house. I strongly think Obama should consider a yorkie; I mean, we don't have fur, we have hair - therefore, we're clearly the most intelligent choice for a kid with allergies. And for those who always say yorkies are too smart for their own good? I say - jealous much?

Marcel: I don't know what Wylie ever saw in McCain. Paws down, Obama was the clear choice from the get-go. Plus, did you see him on Ellen? That dude can shake what his Mama gave him, a skill every world leader should have. I really do wonder what Presidential-nostril tastes like, sure wish I could get me some.
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As usual, I won't tag anyone - but if your pets want to answer a few questions, consider yourself dog-tagged.

Well, what are you up to for New Year's Eve? We are doing shots of Jagermeister until we pass out. That's all. Okay no - we're going out early to a neighborhood joint for sushification. Then, Tony has insisted upon Lava Cakes for dessert later. He is just SO unreasonable and demanding. Guess I'll have to jam a damn Lava Cake into my belly. Sucks being me.

CHEERS TO A JOYOUS AND PEACEFUL NEW YEAR!

7 Random Factoids

I thought I wasn't a liar. Turns out I lied. I said I wasn't going to do anymore tags, however, I was tagged by the lovely and charming Diva of The Sugar Bar - so how could I resist? Also? Fair warning: my dogs were also recently tagged - and please - as if I'd ever muzzle them. So, they shall be guest blogging in the not too distant future. When they heard about it, they were so excited they peed on the floor; of course, this act is no different than on any other day, I suppose.

But do not fear, dear food pornists! Last weekend I baked a naughty scrumptiousness from South America - and I will try to post about the deliciousness this weekend. It involves dulce de leche. Uh huh. Yeah. I KNOW. Like the centerfold of foods, that stuff.

Anyway, the tag merely requires that I share 7 random facts about myself, so here goes:

1} If I find a bug in my house, I make my husband set it free outside.
2} I have recurring nightmares of falling into water, car crashes, and hanging in high places by my hands.
3} I love the smell of my dogs' ears when they're just a little bit stinky.
4} I feel uncomfortable when people bow to me and say "namaste".
5} When I was little, I would sneak out of Sunday sermon to the church lobby so I could read the Readers Digest instead, which made more sense to me than the sermon.
6} I don't particularly like blue ink.
7} I think my left brain hates my right brain and vice versa. Which sucks for me; obviously, I'm in the middle - a veritable midbrain glob of goo.

So, there you have it; why on earth did I choose those 7 facts? What a pile of bleck. Whatever "bleck" is, that is. Per usual, I won't tag anyone outright - but if you like, consider your very bad self tagged and join the randomness.

And you? What is YOUR random factoid, DARE I ask?

Hit Me Baby One More Time

I know, I know. Another tag/meme. Shall I say this is my last one? Tell me if I should. I'm guessing folks are getting tired of reading these - if so, my apologies. I was hit once more - and it was by a fellow blogger whom I really enjoy reading - so of course I will play, who wouldn't? It's my buddy Morton of 21st Century Fox and When It Rains. His first blog has some one-liners that will slay you - especially in this post, where you must read the part when he tells his wife he's going to Best Buy. His other blog is mostly poetry that is chock full of emotion and imagery - a great read that sticks to your bones.

What is your favorite quotable line from a movie?
Yeeeeaaah, I'm gonna have to go ahead and quote from Office Space [didja GET the memo?]. The entire movie is one long quote, but how about:

"You've been missing a lot of work lately..."
"Well, I wouldn't say I've been missing it...."

Who is the most famous person you have spoken to?
In my dreams, I've spoken to almost everyone - so I'm really quite ubiquitous. But, in the early 90s when I was involved in the music scene, I probably met about 50 famous and/or cultish musicians. I tried typing some names and just can't bring myself to do it - it feels too weird.

How many bags of chips are consumed at your place in a month?
We are strictly a white-corn tortilla chip household, now that I consider the subject at length. I'd say we buy about 4 bags a month. Little piglets we are. [I feel like I structured that last sentence while channeling Yoda from Star Wars, what happened there?]

Who is your favorite all time cartoon character?
Probably Pepe Le Pew; he was so charming with that accent and all - such a ladies man. Or, there was a little, blue dog that used to eat dog treats, and afterward - he'd rub his belly while saying "yum, yum, yum" and float to the ceiling - I LOVED him as a kid. Who was he? Did I imagine him?

What foreign food dish do you prepare from scratch and serve?
Besides a slew of desserts? I make some pretty good coconut-curry steamed mussels.

What is your favorite section of the supermarket?
I love the accoutrement section - gazing at all the kitchen tools...tool porn. And the bakery, but of course! More food porn for Mama!

What was your high school's team mascot and what were the school's colors?
Yeah, let's just bring up the worst years of everyone's life, shall we? The years where we tell kids "these are the BEST years of your life!" - and afterward you go "if those were the best years of my life, no wonder all those people drank the Kool-aid in Jonestown for chrissakes"! But I digress - it was the eagle; purple and white. In other words, a fashion disaster that knew no bounds. Good times. DON'T drink the Kool-aid! Those are not the best years of your life!

So, that's all I got. And don't worry, I won't tag any of you - so stop hiding in the corner back there. If you do feel like using the tag - cool, I'd love to see your answers - so let me know if you use it on your blog. Otherwise, feel free to share a little secret of your own right here. You KNOW how I eat it up.
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And, now for some gratitude. The extremely and eternally lovely Jennifer from Thursday Drive has given me the Arte Y Pico award! A huge thank you to Jennifer! If you have not visited her blog, it really is a must - it is a daily visit for me and you'll quickly see why. I know I am supposed to pass this on to 5 more people, but feel unprepared at the moment - plus, there are so many blogs I read, I just can't imagine whittling it down to five (I never was able to the last time someone gave me this award either, I'm hopeless). For now though, I want to pass along my gratitude.

I'm The IT Girl, AGAIN!

I was tagged (I'm "it") by the fabulicious Diva, from The Sugar Bar, ages ago and it is high time I volleyed a return. If you have not visited her food blog, I suggest you high-tail it over there and get busy. This sasstastic talentress is not yet 21, but I swear someday I will say "I knew her when". She may be the next Vivienne Westwood or the next food-rock-star or she'll run a chocolate hotel or I just don't KNOW what, but it will BE something glorious, that I do know. J'adore her. Anywho, she tagged me with a marathon "meme", so I best get going....

1) Last movie you saw in a theater?
The Dark Knight. Loved it.

2) What book are you reading?
Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert; this book was a gift from my sister and I'm actually really surprised at how much I'm getting out of it, on a personal level. The book is triggering ALL sorts of food for thought, pray for thought...and well, I haven't gotten to the love for thought yet.

3) Favorite board game?
Does a cutting board count? How 'bout cutting board with my Global knife?

4) Favorite magazine?
They are all boring me to SNOT right now. ALL of them.

5) Favorite smells?
My hubby during a hug. My dogs' heads and necks. Cooking. Baking. Fresh rain.

6) Favorite sounds?
"The Sultan of Brunei decided to give you 1/2 of his fortune"

7) Worst feeling in the world?
Helplessness. Depression. Apathy. Inertia.

8) What is the first thing you think of when you wake?
I could LIVE in this bed, it's so comforting here.

9) Favorite fast food place?
I don't eat fast food. Unless Chipotle is fast food? Then THAT, times a bajillion.

10) Future child's name?
Wait, do you know something I don't? Are you pregnant with MY CHILD?

11) Finish this statement - "If I had a lot of money I'd..."
Live well, give generously, do what makes me happy. Eliminate the words "coach class" from my vocabulary immediately.

12) Do you drive fast?
Does my dog pee in the house? Does a bear shit in the woods?

13) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Nope - two real ones (see "does my dog pee in the house" above), plus my husband - so I guess that makes 3 real ones.

14) Storms - cool or scary?
Cool, mang, cool. Unless your roof gets ripped off during the storm, then not.

15) What was your first car?
Toyota Corolla - which I totaled by flipping 4 times while trying to miss a possum who was crossing the road while I was driving 80mph, without a seatbelt. This was 10 days after my Mom died, which was not good timing to end up in the ICU, from my family's perspective. Good times.

16) Favorite drink?
Diet coke or sugar free kool-aid. Yesssssss, I know about the sweeteners. It was aspartame or crack and I chose the former.

17) Finish this statement - if I had the time, I would...
...figure out what I do with all of the time I already do have and do nothing with...

18) Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
I do - and then I say 10 Hail Marys.

19) If you could dye your hair any other color, what would be your choice?
Wow. I dunno - maybe reddish? Or, what about lime? Can I go right back to my original color? Is this a trick question?

20) Name all of the different cities/towns you've lived.
Madison, Eau Claire, Janesville, Minneapolis, Denver, Boulder, Eldorado Springs, Phoenix

21) Favorite sports to watch.
None. Gawd, easiest one. Wait! I do like watching the Tour de France! There, found one!

22) One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
Just ONE? She is incredibly beguiling.

23) What's under your bed?
Besides the floor and the hidden dead bodies? There better be NUTHIN', folks.

24) Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Hell to the NO. I've been here, DONE me. I want to try someone else on.

25) Morning person or night owl?
Used to be a night owl, now a morning person.

26) Over easy or sunny side up?
Um, scrambled? Otherwise, not too runny or I get the willies.

27) Favorite place to relax?
By some water. Or, on my sofa - cuddled up with sleepy doggies.

28) Favorite pie?
Blueberry - by a landslide. PLEASE. There is no other.

29) Favorite ice cream flavor?
Moose Tracks. Evil, addictive, should-be-illegal, I-secretly-HATE-you, go-F-yourself, to-die-for Moose Tracks.

30) Of all the people you have tagged, who is the most likely to respond first?
Well, that's the thing - I'm not going to tag anyone directly. After my last tag, so many people said "oh THANK you for not tagging me" - that I'd feel like an asswipe if I tagged ANYONE. So, I'm not going to tag anyone. However, if anyone wants to use this meme - please do consider yourself tagged and I'd love to see your answers!

So, since I once again stripped before you and bared my fragile, shaking soul - maybe you could answer ONE question? One teensy widdle question? Come on, MAN! I'm all ALONE in here!

Tag, I'm It!

gI've been tagged by the lovely Nicole at This Damn House, whom I once described (in one of my comments on her blog) as "a Ninja Warrior, but with cute shoes and at Home Depot with a credit card". Most times when catching up on her blog, I find drool on my key board - not because she's a fellow food blogger - but because while reading: my jaw is slack, I'm wide-eyed, and my head is shaking from side-to-side due to WHAT this woman accomplishes at her damn house. It slays me. I wish she lived near me so I could invite her over for small and large home repairs cocktails. Plus, she's funny - and you know how I like that like flies on shit. Anywho!

What was I doing 10 years ago? Working as an implantable-pacemaker-defibrillator field rep - covering a 3-hour radius territory. I was on call ALL the time for hospitals, ERs, clinics, surgeries, pacer/defib checks - you name it - anytime, anywhere. I carried 2 pagers, 1 cell phone, and 1 hard-wired car phone. During the defib surgeries, part of my job (via my special computer) was to force a patient's heart into V-fib (so, basically, I killed people) so we could shock them out of it, via their newly implanted device - to make sure it worked appropriately, in a nutshell. So the stress level of my life at that time? Let's see...a 9.5/10.

Five snacks I enjoy. So easy, this is a gift! Red Velvet Cake. Chocolate Lava Cake. ["Velvet Lava Cafe" get it?]. Molten Brownies. Dulce de Leche Meringue. Straight up chocolaty things (little handful of bittersweet chocolate chips, a few finger-dips of Nutella, truffles).

Five things on my to do list. Oh shit (that's not part of the list). Get my hair cut by a professional (I've been whacking away at it myself for almost 2 years, just can't be bothered by an appointment, please!). Schedule routine mammogram and bloodwork that was supposed to be done in January (again, hate appointments and WHO wants to get boob squished to size of CREPE?; may as well just wait until next year at this point, solved!). Buy silpat (does it GET it any better folks?). "Brain Surgery" - this is on my list as a reminder to sew the ripped-open-head of my dog Wylie's stuffed-lover-dog (yes, he has a lover and we stay out of it; they're very happy together). "Let It Be" - this is something I always keep on my list as a reminder to try to be all que-sera-sera - and you know what? It works for crap.

Five things I would do if I was a billionaire. Make sure our families were taken care of for life. Do some crazy kind of something for our dearest friends. Give to my favorite animal charities so they could expand beyond belief and/or open my own animal sanctuary. Travel, travel, travel, travel - and during those travels - learn where my money would be best spent in leaving this world in a better place. Do what I love doing, in whatever form that takes.

Five jobs I've had. A counselor at a group home for schizophrenic adults. A roadie for a band (trivia: I once dated a dude who was a sound-guy for Nirvana). Program Marketing Manager. Global Education Manager. Physician Relations Manager. Bleh.

Five of my bad habits. I can't make appointments (duh!); if I do make them, I just call and reschedule, over and over. I get wild hairs up my ass (as in, OMG I THINK I SHOULD LEARN SPANISH IN 2 DAYS! And then, totally obsess - order the tapes, and then - nothing). I refresh my hotmail a ridiculous number of times a day, it's stupid; I'm just online TOO much. I despise shopping - and feel like I'm letting all womankind down because of it (though I do like kitchen-y stores). I talk baby-talk to my dogs - seriously, I can't help it - and there are no pills for it.

Five places I've lived. Denver, Colorado. Boulder, Colorado. Madison, Wisconsin. Minneapolis, Minnesota. Phoenix, Arizona.

Five people I'd like to get to know better. Okay, I wanted to put about 40 people on this list! This was the toughest part of the whole tag (and, btw, Diva - the only reason you were spared is because I still have another post where I was tagged by you!). Anyway - you're under no obligation to play, of course. Play if you like and tag 5 folks of your own, or save it for a writer's block day.

Gigi at Gigi Cakes (get ready to drool, her baking is gorgeous)
Lisa at Chocolate And (a lovely baker, check OUT her LAVA cake)
Jennifer at Thursday Drive (FANTASTIC writer, my dears, just go there and be swept away)
Laura at Hungry and Frozen (food blogger, entertaining writer, Nigella-worshiper)
Jennifer at Manager Mom (seriously, I'm addicted - she makes me spew my soda)

Also, be warned - I was tagged (as mentioned above) again - so those of you who weren't tagged this go-round, watch your backsides because I'm comin' for you!

Plus, since I bared my poor naked bleeding little soul before your greedy eyes, I'd love it if you'd share a little nugget from one of the above soul-baring-thingys...got anything from the vault?