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I am so sick.
Of myself.
Do you know what I mean? I'm just fed up TO HERE with me. I feel boring, uninspired, whiny, ridiculous, apathetic, and just TOTALLY BLEH. I feel like white bread looks. Just meh. Seriously, I wish someone could just reach through this screen right now and slap me, wake me up. Or, bring me pills.
Is it a stage or something? Or am I seriously just this meh bleh eh meh? I look at my camera and shrug and go meh. I look at my stacks of cookbooks and think about what I could whip up with those babies and I go meh. I look at my dogs who want to go for a walk and I go meh bark bark meh. I look at my phone and think about all the peeps I could call for a chat and I go meh. It's just meh meh meh meh meh. Oh my god, someone pull my head out of my ass before I whine us all to death. What a snore I am!
I was just going to write "I can't seem to get hooked into anything lately!" - and I realized it wasn't quite true because you know what I thought of? Yep. Food. I don't feel meh when I think about sushi or good food or a blow-my-lid-off dessert. I get all squirrely and excited. So there you go - I thought of a non-meh thing. Gawd, let's throw a party. Throw back a shot of whisky. Run around the block naked, screaming "I LOVE SOUP" - just for the hell of it. See, now that would be exciting, wouldn't it? Or at least arresting, literally.
You know, I didn't have any real idea of what this ramble was going to be about but it actually came full circle for me, considering the recipe I'm going to toss out here. I was feeling meh and bleh a few weeks back - it was a Sunday morning and I decided to dig through my recipes to see what My Royal Boringness might throw together. Well, I came across a recipe I'd been meaning to make for MONTHS - it was from my dear friend, Joan, who comments here and she sent it to me ages ago. Why I waited so long, I cannot tell you. Just sheer idiocy.
Let me just ask you this: have you ever had a muffin melt in your mouth? No? WELL IT IS SO NOT MEH OR BLEH. So, if you've been feeling meh or bleh - I swear on my future grave you MUST make these muffins. MUST. Do it this weekend and don't look back. Swear to me now, NOW!
French Breakfast Muffins
I never knew a muffin could be so exciting. So simple, yet so exciting. Am I alone in this lack of knowledge? Does everyone else on the planet know the awesomeness of a dang muffin, but forgot to fully inform me? Whatever the case, these are incredible and I really mean it. I don't know why they're "French" and I don't care; I don't why they're called "Breakfast" because a person really should eat them all day long, as far as I can tell. I just tilted my head back in ecstasy because I just had a little muffin flashback. Well, better than an acid flashback, I suppose. Anyway, eat these warm - when warm, they pretty much just melt in your mouth and it's heavenly. You will have leftover melted butter and cinnamon sugar but FEAR NOT! Just tear off little pieces of muffin, dip in butter, then in cinnamon sugar, place in mouth and then think "Thank you, Ann's friend Joan, thank you". That's all.
1/3 c. butter, melted
1/2 c. sugar
1 egg (preferably room temperature)
1 1/2 c. all purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1/2 c. milk
Topping (option: cut topping in half*)
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. butter, melted
1 tsp. cinnamon
Preheat oven to 350F.
In a medium-large bowl, sift together all dry ingredients. Add wet ingredients and stir just until combined, but still a bit lumpy. Do NOT overmix; overmixing will ruin the texture of the finished muffins. Also? Don't overmix the batter. Finally, don't overmix. Scoop batter into muffin tins that have sprayed with cooking spray. Using a large ice cream scoop, I got 8 medium-large muffins out of this batter; I think you could get 10-12 muffins by distributing the batter a little less generously. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until they just start to turn a bit golden at the edges.
For the topping, mix sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl. Place melted butter in another small bowl. Dip the warm muffins in melted butter (you can dip just the top, but it's even tastier to dip the whole muffin!), then dip/roll the muffin in cinnamon sugar. *May have left-over topping; the extra topping can be used for dipping, while eating the muffins (oh my). Another option is to cut the topping ingredients in half. CONSUME, ENJOY, GO CRAZY!
Ya know that upcoming Football Thingy? What is it? The Uber Bowl? The Pooper Bowl? AH! THE SUPER BOWL! That's it. Just super.
Well the thing is, the REAL thing of it - is that the Super Bowl always falls on my birthday weekend! How rude is that? Does the NFL just not care about the day I was born? I feel so insignificant - like a pea without a pod, a grain of sand without an hourglass, a pickle without a pregnancy, a Viagra email without a spam destination, a fax minus its cover sheet, a bank with no bailout money, a Cheney with no one to shoot at. STOP ME. Shut up self. Wow that was fun.
Anyway, LAST YEAR for my birthday we were thinking where-oh-where shall we go for this VERY significant day of my birth? Well, nowhere, Miss Coversheetless Fax, because the Super Bowl was right here in Phoenix. That's right! You want a flight in or out of Phoenix? Well good luck with your inner-private-jet because that's as close to the jet stream you're going to get! Uh huh. And noooo you can't go to Vegas because everyone there is there for the Superbowl too - so just forget it!
So THIS YEAR, we were again talking about where to go, what to do, and again, Vegas comes up because it's so very close - an hour's flight away. But alas, it seems there are no deals in Sin City over the BIG weekend. Do you now see my suffering? It's a first-world problem, I know, but still.
All I have to say is, it's a good thing I'm not big on celebrations - that I'm actually really low key about my birthday. You didn't pick up on that? Oh yeah. In reality, I'm just ho-hum about almost all traditional celebrations, but especially ones that are focused on me. I think it's others who feel like they have to make the day special. But really, a simple card will do. I'm easy that way.
This year, however, there will be a little twist to the weekend - Arizona is IN the Super Bowl! For the first time in, like, a thousand years! I think the last time they went, pterodactyls were still roaming the Mother Ship. This is what I hear. I'm not a big sportician, but I actually saw the playoff game and enjoyed it! What le heck? Who am I? It was a roller coaster though - a few times I thought I was going to blow a capillary and it was touch and go.
So I don't know...I'm kind of looking forward to the game next weekend. Who said that? I said that. If I was already in a grave - I'd be rolling over in it right now. But I'm not, so I can't. And that's a good thing actually because I don't like eating dirt. Instead, I'd rather eat this dip....
It is a real departure for this blog, but I'm going to post a NON-DESSERT recipe. I know, right! My grains of sugar are organizing a mutiny as we speak - the flour is going to throw itself at my faux-fur. It's a shocker. But for this upcoming chip-and-dip weekend...I give you this anomaly....
Mexican Artichoke Dip
I used to make this dip about 10 years ago, but had forgotten all about it until my sister recently asked me for the recipe. Since December, I've been making it again and - WOW - why did I ever stop making it? We like it with tortilla chips; and honestly, we've been "liking it" about every single weekend since I rediscovered it. So, I should actually say we love it. We can't get enough of it right now. It's a rather healthy little dip, and it's low fat and all - but with the quantities we're consuming, I'm just not sure it's healthy at all, but there you have it. Even better? It could not be easier to throw together.
1 c. light mayo (or, fat free)
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
1 c. soft breadcrumbs
1/2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp. hot pepper sauce
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
2 cans (14 oz. each) artichoke hearts, drained and roughly chopped
1 can (4 oz.) chopped green chilies
Cooking spray
Preheat oven to 350F. In a large bowl, combine mayo, Parmesan, breadcrumbs, Worcestershire, hot pepper sauce and garlic powder. Gently fold in artichokes and green chilies. Spoon mixture into a casserole dish (or any oven-proof dish) coated with cooking spray. Cover and bake for 20 minutes. Serve with tortilla chips, pita wedges, melba rounds, or veggies. Makes about 4 cups. ENJOY!
My ancestry is chock full of French-ness. And, I admit to being a bit of a francophile. There are no medications for it, so please don't slay me over it. Even worse, right now I'm reading "Marie Antoinette: The Journey" and cannot get enough of it. It's really an illness. I've been cussing in French for weeks now - and all of it sounds so much more delicious in French, really! I feel so delicate tossing out f-bombs in francaise. Mais bien sur!
With this book I'm reading, I find myself fantasizing about wearing all those poufy dresses and wigs and hats. And then I realize I'm wearing flannel pajama pants. I wonder if I'd have been a good duchess or countess. And then I remember that I cringe when someone says "Miss" or "Ma'am" to me. I dream of all those balls and social extravaganzas. And then I recall that I'm a total homebody; I practically need rocket fuel to propel my butt out of the house.
So, maybe it's not my era. But if I could choose a super-power? Puh-lease, hands down - time travel. Can you imagine? Oh swoon.
Well, with all this Frenchification and armchair time-traveling lately, I thought I might make something, well, French and, well, from another era. Duh. So hard to follow, no? Um, no.
What I decided upon, mon amies, was Calissons. What le heck are they, you ask? There are a few historical versions of their origin, but apparently this confectionery was introduced in 1473 for the wedding dinner of King Rene's second marriage. Later, during the 19th century, Calisson factories sprouted up and today, the capital of Calisson production is found in the Provence region.
Now, since I'm French and all - I thought mine would turn out just perfectly. You know, my French blood and everything. Makes sense to moi. Well, I don't think mine turned out quite right, despite all those French cells screaming through my bone marrow. I just don't get it.
But anyway, on the subject of time travel, what era would you blast yourself into, if you could?
Calissons
I honestly can't recall from where I obtained this recipe - somewhere on the intertwined interwebs; usually, I print out a recipe and include the name of the creator. In this case, clearly my French blood interfered. Anyway, these taste a bit like Marzipan but with a nice hint of fruity flavor and, to me, a yummier slant of sweetness than Marzipan. The color of the nougat should actually be more homogeneous and smoother - mine appear a bit funky because there was still some skin on my sliced almonds and I'm not sure I ground them fine enough. Dang me. They are extremely easy to make and a nice little treat if you like almondy flavors with a hint of fruit. This is a translated recipe, so forgive the annoying measurements. It's not you, it's me.
6.3 oz. ground almonds
3 oz. powdered sugar
1.75 oz. apricot jam
1/4 tsp. almond extract
2 tsp. orange blossom flower water
For the icing: 1 egg white & 3/4 c. powdered sugar (and milk, if needed, to thin icing)
In a food processor, grind almonds as fine as possible. Add sugar and pulse until combined, just a few seconds. Add jam, extract, orange water and process until it forms a smooth paste - it may ball-up in the processor, indicating it's finished combining. It will be a sticky dough, but form it into a ball and place on a large piece of plastic wrap (the piece should be much bigger than the ball) - place another piece of wrap on top of the ball and then roll the dough out (rolling on top of the 2nd piece of wrap) until about 1/4 inch thick. Uncover and leave at room temperature for 1-2 hours or until the dough is not sticky to the touch.
If you have an almond-shaped cutter, use that as it is the traditional shape. If not, use a small round cutter and then use a knife to cut each circle in half. Alternatively, you could use a knife to hand-cut almond shapes. Place cut-outs on a baking sheet lined with parchment and refrigerate for about an hour or until the candies are firm.
For the icing, mix together the egg white and powdered sugar; if too thick, add a bit of milk. It should have the consistency of a thick syrup. Dip the top of each Calisson into the icing, letting the excess drip off, then place onto the parchment. Repeat with the remaining candies and then let them sit at room temperature overnight. ENJOY!
I'll admit it, I'm not a fan of the holidays. Make that NOT. In caps. In fact, I almost despise the holidays; there, I said it. I almost feel like I just committed a mortal sin, like I should recite 10 Hail Marys to absolve myself for admitting, in public, that I'm related to the Grinch. Sorry kids. I don't know the Hail Mary.
I'm not sure where it comes from, wholly. I suppose a large part of it is that the older I became, it seemed the stress of the holidays increased proportionately, until it no longer felt worthy of the price attached. More than that though, every year I cannot help but think of the last Christmas we spent with my Mom, when I was 20; we all fully knew it would be her last holiday with us - and Christmas was HER holiday. It was painful and poignant and heavy and sweet and horrid; she died four months later. I didn't want any more Christmases after that; I was done.
Still, the rest of the world just will NOT bend to my will - darn miscreants. So, I try to perform little bursts of holiday spirit here and there. For example, I like to sprinkle co-workers' officechair-seats with powdered sugar, to resemble snow. I like giving giftcards that have no monetary value. I like covering all of my Christmas cookies in black frosting. Okay no! I'm just fantasizing. Throwing myself a bone.
Now really, I do participate as best I can. Because we have the office holiday-party at our house, it motivates me to decorate a bit - mostly just a bunch of white string-lights and a teensy tree. And I buy gifts for my nieces and nephew (I love you Ellery and Ari, Grace and Emma, Peyton and Alex!!!); I mean, I'm not heartless (yet). And, Tony and me usually cook a really great meal together over the holiday, which we rarely have time for because he has such a real job. So see? A smattering of holidayness, a smidge. A dusting.
This past weekend, I got it into my head that I ought to try my hand at Marzipan Candy - something you often see more of around the holidays. Why not, thought I? Look at me all embracing the season, pondered Moi. SO impressed by my bad holiday self, exclaimed Thyself.
Oh enough of the internal dialogue...just read on for the Marzipan, if you so desire. Am I the only Grinch here? Do you love the holidays? Tolerate them? Wish you could time-warp past them? What say THEE?
Marzipan Candy
Okay, this recipe looked SO easy, SUCH a breeze! Well, let me warn you - there may be a few times during this recipe where you may think to yourself "Self, this effing sucks it all" - and wonder if you should proceed or chuck the mess in with the rubbish. Of course, it could just be my happy-go-lucky seasonal personality there, no? Nah. The deal is - this dough can be very sticky and difficult to work with. Besides that though, it really IS a simple recipe - and the resulting Marzipan Candy is quite delicious, if you like Marzipan. And many don't. And I still like you for it. What does Marzipan taste like, you ask? Well, it has a definite almond flavor, is sweet (but not cloying), and has a kind of grainy texture.
8 oz. almond paste
2 c. powdered sugar (+ more for rolling out)
1/4 c. corn syrup
food coloring (any color)
Over a medium bowl, break almond paste into small pieces. Add 1 c. of the sugar and work it in with your hands until mixture is crumbly. Add another 3/4 c. sugar and work in very well. Add corn syrup and work until completely incorporated (very sticky here; tried pastry cutter, didn't work). Sprinkle remaining sugar on a work surface and knead the dough until uniform, up to 5 minutes. If dough seems overly sticky, knead in more sugar. Form dough into disc, cover in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for an hour.
Sprinkle a work surface with powdered sugar. To color the dough, break off a palm-size piece of dough, add 2-3 drops and knead in the color until consistent; add more color if needed. Then, blend the colored dough into the larger portion you'd like to use for that color and knead until consistent. Continue to add sugar as needed to keep dough from sticking to surface.
Dust surface with sugar and roll out dough to 1/4-inch thick. Cut into desired shapes (free form cutting or using small cookie cutters) and place on wax paper. You can also hand-shape into "Marzipan Fruits" (apples, bananas etc.) or wreaths or candy canes or whatever; cooking stores often sell Marzipan molds as well. Allow to sit out for 24 hours, to dry. If the candies have extra powdered sugar on their surface after working with them, use a scantly moistened paintbrush or tiny cloth to remove sugar. The amount will depend on what shapes/sizes you make; I ended up with about 40 little candies - about 1.5-inch size. ENJOY!
Back in the day, when I lived for a while at Machu Picchu and communed nightly with the Incan deities who still haunt the ancient city, I used to keep my blood sugar afloat through mass consumption of...
Oh fine. I never lived there, never even visited - but, oh, how I wish I could write that line above! I've had the WORST travel lust of late. I constantly find myself thinking of trips I'd like to take, re-living trips I've already taken, or pseudo-planning trips I'm about to embark on any second. Lately, the news is so utterly depressing that I think this harsh reality lends itself nicely to fantasizing about travel, no?
I was recently perusing possible European trips again, but the exchange rate can suck it at the moment. I just ADORE Amsterdam and want so badly to take Tony there, since he's never been, but...sigh...I don't think it's in the cards right now. So, I started looking south...
Recently I was researching Machu Picchu once again (as I have a bajillion times), and have been lusting after South America ever since. Since Buenos Aires is known as the "Paris of South America", I'm positively salivating to visit - and really, the exchange rate is quite decent. Even so, after I calculate the price of a trip for 2, I end up slapping myself in the face for my wanderlust. So, I've been armchair-traveling via my laptop to South America - trying to escape the unending horrendous news regarding our economy.
During my pseudo travels, I came across multiple mentions of a South American cookie delight called Alfajores. Apparently, you haven't quite lived until you've had this cookie; apparently, some folks know what they're talking about. The discovery of this little darling of a cookie makes my faux travels totally worthwhile.
So, before I get on with the recipe for these doll-babies, where are some of your favorite places to travel? Where would you like to go someday?
Alfajores
It was the pictures of these that first did me in - are they not adorable? They reminded me a bit of Parisian Macarons, but perhaps easier to actually accomplish than their appearance-cousin. Well, they were. They were a delight to make and delicious to put in my belly. The texture is incredible - I don't even know quite how to describe it; perhaps it's because of the cornstarch, but the cookie is soft and giving - which is perfect when you have a soft filling such as dulce de leche. The taste of the cookie is light, tangy, slightly buttery - like a soft, light shortbread, which again, compliments the filling perfectly. Confession: we liked these so much, that we couldn't bring ourselves to bring them into work for sharing! Selfish creatures indeed. So, they do cause hoarding, apparently.
5.3 oz. unsalted butter, softened
3.5 oz. powdered sugar
2 tsp. vanilla
5.3 oz. cornstarch
5.3 oz. AP flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
4 egg yolks
can of dulce de leche (Int'l section of grocery store) -or-
Dulce de Leche: take 1 can Sweetened Condensed Milk and remove the label. Without opening the can, poke a few holes in top of can using a can opener or a nail and hammer. Place the can in a saucepan and fill with water so that 2/3 of the can is covered. Boil for 3-4 hours, checking OFTEN that water is at an appropriate level. After 3-4 hours, carefully remove lid and pour into a bowl; stir until smooth. Allow to cool; then chill until consistency thickens.
Using an electric mixer, cream butter and powdered sugar in a medium bowl. Add yolks, one at a time, mixing thoroughly after each egg. Add vanilla and combine.
In another bowl, mix cornstarch, flour, baking powder and then add to butter mixture. Process only until dough is formed. Form dough into round disc and wrap with plastic; chill for at least 2 hours.
Preheat oven to 350F. On a floured surface, roll out the dough to just less then 1/4-inch thick. Cut out 1 1/2 inch rounds and place on lined cookie sheet, about 1 inch apart. Bake for about 10 minutes, or just until the cookies begin to change color on their underside. Remove from oven, remove cookies from pan and place on cooling rack.
Pipe or spread about 1 tsp. room-temperature dulce de leche on a cookie, place another cookie on top and press until filling shows at the edges of cookies. Many times, the edges of Alfajores are then rolled in coconut, but because we don't like coconut flakes, I rolled mine in sugar. ENJOY!
I have a 6th sense. They say that kids who suffer trauma cope by developing hyper-awareness to undercurrents, body language, people's energy, mixed signals etcetera -- because being able to read people and predict behavior keeps them safe. For better or worse, I have that thingy - and it can be entertaining, at times.
We were at Chipotle (a burrito place) yesterday and ordering to my right was a guy around our age. Since I was standing about a foot away from him while we were both customizing our forearm-size burritos, his energy hit me full-on. For whatever reason, it felt like a bug splattered on my windshield. He annoyed me - uptight, tense, pretentious, really self-aware, snappish (though he said nothing, this is only what I felt). I know, dumb right? For me to feel that about a stranger? But I'm telling you, my radar blips with that kind of crap.
So, the gal starts rolling up this dude's burrito and at the very end of the carnal act, the bulging, gluttonous burrito splits about a 1/2 inch to relieve itself. The gal looks up at the dude and is all, "is that all-right? or do you want a new one?" -- oh hello, it's ON. At this point, the fellas in my head who run my 6th-sense radar are cracking beers, putting their feet up, and taking bets.
I can literally feel the dude's blood pressure sky rocket to about 200/120, the pulse in his carotid artery nearly punched me in the face, and I swear he almost chewed his own molars if only so he could use his mouth as a weapon of mass destruction toward the gal, his jagged teeth as the bullets (which I'm sure would be bleached and damn free of tartar). After a full 5-second pause - our contained explosion, through his clenched jaw, hissed "no, it's fine" - most likely because there were other customers of his peer group present, and after a quick, careful, internal pro-con pie chart calculation - he figured it would be less painful to accept the imperfect, herniated burrito than to blow his cool (and his teeth) in front of the INCREDIBLY cool and chic people to his left.
In the parking lot, I watched him walk away and I was thinking to myself "I bet he's parked really far away" -- and sure enough, he kept walking and walking and walking. I wanted to ask him if he needed a ride to his ride, for the love of beans. Come ON! As we were pulling away, I finally saw him arrive at his car - parked so completely by itself, so far from potentially interacting with any other entity - that he nearly worked off that burrito's calories just in the to/fro. Yep, he's that guy who parks his car that way.
I turned to Tony and said, "Thanks for not being the kind of guy who has his panties so far up his ass about A CAR that he has to park it in another county. And by the way, thanks for not driving a mid-life crisis car, for not looking like you spend more time on your hair than me, for not having an overly-worked gym body, for not wearing the same jeans you did in high school, and for not being an uptight bug. I think you deserve something REALLY special today."
A suggestive grin spreads across his face.
"I'm going to give you a....
....choice of what I shall bake today."
Suggestive grin fades significantly.
Chocolate Peanut Butter Tartlets
I know! ANOTHER chocolate peanut butter thingy! Well, this is what we all get when I ask Tony what he wants me to bake: it's either chocolate with chocolate or chocolate with peanut butter. Once, he did say cheesecake - and I started backing-up and looking around for an alien pod in which I might find his real body, I was so taken aback by the request. Anyway, these tartlets? If there is a god, then god help us all. These are INSANE. The peanut butter filling is the best I've ever had - it will almost make you tip right over the edge of the cliff; seriously, it's the best peanut butter filling I've made to date - period. If you think you can handle it, make these - otherwise - save yourself, while there's still time.
Crust
1 c. AP flour
1/8 t. salt
1/4 c. sugar
2 T. cocoa powder
1/2 c. unsalted butter, cubed
1 egg yolk
1-2 T. ice cold water
Filling
1/2 c. peanut butter
1/2 c. cream cheese, softened
2 T. unsalted butter, softened
1/4 c. sugar
1 t. vanilla
Ganache
4 oz. unsweetened chocolate, chopped
1/2 c. whipping cream
In medium bowl, combine flour, salt, sugar, and cocoa. To this mixture, cut in the cubed butter until it resembles a damp sand. Combine the egg with 1 T. of the ice water and pour over the mixture, stirring only until mixture becomes moistened; if mixture is too dry, add up to 1 T. of ice water. The dough should hold the form of a ball. Cover with plastic wrap and chill for 30 minutes.
Preheat oven to 425F and place cookie sheet in oven.
Now, here's where you have choices: this recipe can make (8) 4-inch tartlets -or- around 24 mini-tartlets, which is what I made above. If making 4-inch tartlets, roll out the dough and cut out 5-inch rounds; press them into the tartlet pan, with removable bottoms. If making mini-tartlets: depending on the size of your tin, use a tsp. or tbsp. size ball of dough and press it into the tin.
Place tartlet pans on cookie sheet and bake blind (using pie weights or beans) for 5 minutes; take out of oven and remove weights. Lower the temperature to 350F and bake for up to 5 minutes more, until crust has darkened. Transfer to wire rack to cool.
Cream peanut butter, cream cheese, and butter with an electric mixer on high speed. Add sugar and beat until fluffy; add vanilla and combine. Fill tart shells generously and chill for 2 hours. After chilling, heat whipping cream in small saucepan to boiling; pour cream over the chocolate in a heatproof bowl and stir until smooth. Cool slightly (until ganache has cooled, but is still liquid enough for decorating purposes). Drizzle over tartlets and chill for at least 30 minutes. ENJOY!!
Come to Mama, baby. Get thee in my pie-hole.
Well, I'm a solid. We've eaten so richly and naughtily over the last week, that surely we must be hydrogenated by now. We feel as if we should store ourselves as drippings under the sink in a used, rusty can - and just toss ourselves away with the rest of the rubbish.
We tried to make up for it by going for a hike/run on Sunday, yet we were sweating vegetable oil and butter and felt as if our legs were filled with Crisco; it was not at ALL joyous like last week's run. We were yelling the f-word for completely different reasons this week. Oh yes.
The cause of our solidification? Well, some bad-ass chocolate peanut butter bars which I'll never forgive myself for discovering - more on that in a bit. The other offender was a fantastic dinner on Saturday night - bread with fresh pesto (I wanted to drink it!), lobster bisque that was so buttery we almost lost our minds right there, 1 lb. of mussels (practically ate the shells), and main courses of fish and lobster. INSANITY. We were so full when we left, but by the time we got home? SOLIDS. Could not move. Miserable.
And of course - this divine, perfect, and miserable meal was hot on the heels of these godforsaken artery-clogging, cardiologist-funding, drool-inducing, loaves of chocolate-sugar-fat...
Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars
I shouldn't even post these. Listen, if you make these naughties, don't make a full batch because they will HAUNT YOU EVERY MOMENT UNTIL GONE! They're worse than The Blair Witch Project, I swear - haunting little shits. I have a love-hate relationship with some desserts, and this one is definitely on that list. Even worse (or better) is that there is NO baking involved - they are the easiest things EVER - how irritating is that? Totally, if you've spent any fair amount of time baking complicated things that turn out so-so. Hello, Me. So anyhow, if you make these - have plans for them immediately unless you are on a weight-gain diet, then go hog wild.
1 c. (2 sticks) butter, softened
1 c. crunchy peanut butter
3 c. powdered sugar, sifter
1 1/2 c. graham cracker crumbs
1 2/3 c. chocolate chips, semi-sweet
Line a 13x9 inch pan with aluminum foil. In a food processor, combine butter, peanut butter, sugar, and crumbs until a ball forms. Press mixture into the pan using a spatula.
Over a double-boiler, melt the chocolate chips. Stir, then spread over peanut butter mixture. Chill in refridgerator for about an hour. Allow to come to room temperature before cutting into squares. Store in refridgerator. Adapted from Paula Deen, who else uses that much butter? ENJOY!
Since moving to Phoenix three years ago, I've been working for my husband's firm - and my husband is my boss. Here is a pause ______ for you to swallow that holy-shit in your throat. See, when we decided to move here, I had to leave my Fortune-500 career-type-job because it wouldn't transfer down here; his firm threw me a bone and I've been torturing my hubs from 8-5 ever since.
At this point, almost everyone who hears this says "are you NUTS?" - because people just cannot fathom working with the person they married. On one hand, I understand their contention. On the other, I don't get it - I mean, if you can't work-it-out with the person you married, of all people, then how the heck do you manage to work out a marriage of all things, which is a tad more complicated than the workplace? Just curious. So, I'm always a bit struck by the fact that people are JUST DUMBFOUNDED by the fact that we can work together - and 90% of the time they say "I could NEVER, ever work with my spouse, NEVER!!" - am I the only one who finds that a strange oxymoron?
Now, this is not to say that the marriage sub-language does not make it into the office. Oh no, it is insidious - no matter how hard I attempt to snuff it out. And, I think my husband is a saint; I think the saints should come marching in at any point - on any given day, seriously. I fully admit to being a total pain in the ass on some days - there, it's in print - and he loves and adores me nonetheless. At the office, I think there are 3 major "looks" from the marriage sub-language that he has to deal with on a regular basis:
1) Look #1: "I'm on the internets, probably very busy researching who is on Perez Hilton - what could you POSSIBLY want that's more important, but OOPS I also shouldn't be doing this" - so, this look is a mixture of irritation, guilt, and "I love you, honey!".
2) Look #2: "I have PMS, so you may as well grab ALL of my nerve pathways in a bundle, pour kerosine on them, take a lighter, and torch them - because anything you ask me right now will feel 1 billion times worse than that" - this is when I hate working with any human being. But my husband? OH, he loves finding out the hard way just when THIS look is coming to the table, LOVES IT.
3) Look #3: "These are my teeth in a fake smile and yes I'll do that for you because we're at work right now, but if we were at home, you'd kinda be in trouble right now - but we'll have to talk about it later." This look can also be in combination, or following, Look #2. Poor fella.
Believe it or not though, we actually really do enjoy working together. Except for that PMS thing. Plus, he loves the fact that I bring baked goods in for the office almost weekly. Maybe that's why he wants me around. Maybe that's the only reason, actually, now that I think of it. He's actually rather obsessed with my baked goods. Now I feel used for my baked goods. He should double my salary, that ingrate. What am I, a caterer? Well, I'm getting off track here...
Anyway, so before I tell you about my recent sugar high, do you think you could work with your spouse, partner, love-dub, significant other? Or, are we indeed just nuts, per usual?
Soft Sugar Cookies
This is a recipe from my childhood. It's weird, because I thought these cookies were SO fantastic when I was a kid, almost heavenly; now, I would describe them as a good soft sugar cookie. I amped up the vanilla, of course. They're kind of a tangy, cakey, soft, singular-note, sugar cookie. They'd also be nice with a bit of glaze on top and would do well with the addition of almost any other flavoring that blows your hair back. So, if you're in need of a simple, sour cream based, soft sugar cookie - this is your baby, baby.
1/2 c. butter, room temperature
1 1/2 c. sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 c. sour cream
3 c. flour
Preheat oven to 375F and place baking rack to middle position. Place parchment or silicone baking pad on baking sheet, set aside.
In large bowl, using electric mixer - combine butter and sugar until light and fluffy; add eggs, thoroughly combine. Add salt, vanilla, baking powder, baking soda, and sour cream - mix until combined. Add flour and mix until just combined.
Drop by tablespoons onto baking sheet, about 1 1/2 inches apart; sprinkle generously with sugar. Bake 8-10 minutes, just until bottoms are light golden. Place on cooling rack. ENJOY!
There are moments when I am transported into the full realization of just how dumb, as a human, I truly am. One such moment is when I look over and catch one of my dogs drinking water from his bowl, his tail wagging FURIOUSLY. He is ECSTATIC over drinking water. And I stand there riveted, humbled, enchanted. I want to drink water and wag my tail, man! I want that kind of living-in-the-moment, that kind of inner peace. Honestly though, I'm just not that great at the inner peace stuff. So then I was wondering, during my day-to-day nonsense, where ARE my daily moments when I'm actually in the moment and/or cultivating some peace? It's a sad little list:
-The first sip of my morning latte. Aka, the a.m. mouthgasm. OH IT BURNS too, and in a good way. There is no better investment than a good espresso machine. It's the first step toward World Peace. They say it begins at home people. Well, I'm telling you - it begins with a latte.
-Here comes the usual freakdom: smelling my dogs' necks, ears, breath. JUST love it. My dogs just smell so damn adorable, it's ridiculous. I should bottle it and sell it. I'd totally make 2 dollars.
-Hiking. I hike 2-3 times a week and this usually helps me actually notice there is nature outside my door and not just cars, laptops, mail, phone calls, and jerks.
-Baking. Because I'm really quite a scattered baker, I absolutely must concentrate when I'm baking - so I'm often in-the-moment while baking, which can be kind of lovely. Unless it goes wrong, which it often does - and then I just feel like a total ass for concentrating so completely yet still failing miserably. Hmmm, so maybe it's not so peaceful? Where am I going with this? Do we even care?
-Reading. I like to read every night before bedtime. Love how it makes me feel cozy and peaceful and sleepy. Except when the ceiling fan above me is turned on high (too early, that is) and it dries my eyes out completely and I can't even read anymore! Then, buzzkill. Wide AWAKE! See, now why did I have to add that last part? This entire post is just going to shit before our eyes, isn't it?
Okay, see why peace is so tough to pursue? What a sucky list indeed. I used to do yoga quite regularly, meditate, and write a little positive grateful-something each night in a journal. I'm just feeling off track here, big surprise. It makes me curious: what do other people do to ensure some dang peace and serenity in their lives? I suppose the first step might be to not call it dang peace. Oh self, how did you think of that?
So with all this thinking about peace, I really could not resist making Dorie Greenspan's World Peace Cookies. I'd been wanting to try them for months and it seemed the perfect time had arrived.
World Peace Cookies
First of all, if you don't own Dorie Greenspan's Baking: From My Home To Yours, I will pray to the Dalai Lama for your souls - past, present, and future. This is, by far, my favorite cookbook for baking - and actually, my favorite cookbook, period. I can't even begin to tell you what a great resource it is for everything baking, how beautiful it is, and how wonderfully it's written - just a fabulous book. These chocolaty cookies are delicious; kind of like a sandy, flat brownie with a bit of soft crunch and nubs of chocolate goo here and there. Now, if that can't foster world peace, what can?
1 1/4 AP flour
1/3 c. cocoa powder
1/2 t. baking soda
11 T unsalted butter, room temp.
2/3 c. light brown sugar
1/4 c. sugar
1/4 t. fine sea salt
1 t. vanilla
3/4 c. mini chocolate chips
Sift flour, cocoa, baking soda together. In a bowl, beat butter on medium speed until soft and creamy. Add both sugars, salt, and vanilla and beat for 2 minutes. Turn off mixer. Add sifted dry ingredients, pulsing at low speed to avoid flying flour. Once flour has combined a bit, continue to mix at low speed for about 30 seconds, just until flour disappears into the dough; dough may be a bit crumbly. Toss in chocolate pieces and mix only to incorporate.
Turn dough out onto a work surface, gather it together and divide it in half. Shape each half into logs that are 1 1/2 inches in diameter. Wrap logs in plastic wrap and place in fridge for at least 3 hours.
Center a rack in the oven, preheat to 325F, and line 2 baking sheets with parchment or silicone mats.
Slice logs into rounds that are 1/2 inch thick; if rounds crack a bit as you slice, no worries - just pinch the bits back onto each cookie. Arrange the rounds on the baking sheets, leaving 1-inch between them. Bake one sheet at a time for 12 minutes - they won't look done and won't be firm, which is perfect! Transfer baking sheet to cooling rack and let cookies rest until just warm - then serve, or allow to come to room temp. Makes about 36 cookies. ENJOY!
I haven't been posting as often lately - I don't know what it is really; perhaps a bit of not-much-going-on-ness or even a bit of heaviness in the air. At times, stuff just pours out of me, other times...not so much. Then last week, I read this post and ding ding ding - I finally had a diagnosis: an emotional hangover. Not from anything specific really, just from a lot of little things I've picked up here and there - little pieces of baggage I'm programmed to pick up and carry for others. Emotional hangover, yes. I checked Pfizer's website already, by the way, and there is NO new pill for it. And no matter how many aspirin I take or who I call in the morning, there it is - this lingering emotional hangover.
Luckily, we live right at the base of a mountain (a Phoenix "mountain", that is) near a trailhead of miles and miles of hiking. Upon these trails, I sometimes lose that hangover for a while and - I SWEAR - the "writing" just POURS out in my head, just CRYSTAL CLEAR - and I get home, sit down to type it out - and what comes out is this: bleh, meh, blergh. It's gone. So, either my memory is shit - or my mind is creating its own fish tales. But still, those trails are an inspiring place.
On Saturday, I went on a long hike and about 30 minutes up the mountain I came upon what I can only describe as a "caterpillar migration". These caterpillars were yellow and black, ranging from about an inch long to three inches long - and there were hundreds and hundreds and HUNDREDS of them on the trail. I've never seen anything like it. All headed in one direction - downward-ish, north-ish - but I don't know where, exactly. I kept hiking - well, tiptoeing now, for the next quarter mile - with no visible end to the caterpillars.
Eventually, I decided to turn around because I was just too worried about stepping on the little creatures during their important journey, and tiptoeing wasn't proving especially enjoyable either. It was interesting to notice the other humans on the trail - some, like me, were also marveling at these little creatures - even taking pictures. Many, like me, were stepping carefully. Were the caterpillars aware we were stepping carefully for them? Probably not, but we did it for them anyways.
Am I always aware of those who step carefully around my path? Definitely not, but they do it for me anyways. I just want to say thanks, man - I try to do the same for you, even when you don't notice.
And then there were those who just trampled along carelessly, not bothering to notice whose path they might be trampling, traversing, crushing, altering, obliterating. It was right then I realized where my emotional hangover was coming from, where it always generally comes from, usually. Human bulldozers. And, until someone makes a good pill for them or for us, we're totally stuck with the kind of humans who trample everyone's paths, you know? Frickin' caterpillar smushers - they are dead to me. And they give me the worst damn hangovers. And by the way, here's your baggage back - because it's just not mine to carry for you - nor for all that you smush out there in that world of yours.
So, I went for another hike today (Monday) and only saw a few caterpillars on the trail, but looked around at some of the foliage - and sure enough, I found some of them hangin' out on the Ocotillos and other desert foliage. Why they were ALL traveling in one spot, on one day, in one direction, at the same time, I've no idea - but it was a pretty cool sight to see, and I kind of cherish it. Man, they can ORGANIZE.
To further "melt away" my emotional hangover - bad pun warning - I decided to make some freakin' perfect looking late-summer cookies I recently saw from Martha Stewart. Tony loves the taste of lemon-lime (IF I can get him past chocolate, that is) - so when I heard the title Lime Meltaways - I was sold, almost purely on metaphor potential.
[See the bit of lime zest inside the cookie? Heaven!]
Lime Meltaways
These are just a lovely, lovely cookie. They are like a meltaway shortbread with a light taste of lime. They're slightly sweet and buttery - yet, they're very light and easy, and they definitely have a "meltaway" quality. Many people suggest this as a holiday cookie as well, and I could envision adding any flavor to this recipe such as almond, cinnamon, cardamom, or whatever. I brought them into work, of course, and *boom* - they were gone and lusted after (guys really seem to like lime, anyone notice that?). They're quite darling little cookies too - great for a party.
3/4 c. unsalted butter, room temp.
1 c. powdered sugar
finely grated zest of 3 limes
2 T. fresh lime juice
2 T. vanilla extract
1 3/4 c. + 2 T. AP flour
2 T. cornstarch
1/4 t. coarse salt
Using electric mixer, whisk butter and 1/3 c. powdered sugar in bowl on medium speed until pale and fluffy. Add lime zest, juice, vanilla - mix until fluffy. In another bowl, whisk together flour, cornstarch, salt - add to butter mixture and mix on low speed until just combined.
Divide dough in half. Roll each half into a log 1 1/4 inch in diameter. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 1 hour.
Preheat oven to 350F and have baking sheet lined with parchment. Cut logs into 1/4-inch thick rounds and place slices on baking sheets 1-inch apart. Bake until barely golden on bottom of cookie, about 13 minutes, rotating the sheet 1/2 way through. Transfer cookies to wire rack for cooling, 8-10 minutes. While still warm, toss cookies with remaining 2/3 c. sugar in a plastic bag (or bowl). Cookies can be stored in airtight container at room temperature for up to 2 weeks. ENJOY!
Some of us are Nigella Lawson and some of us are not. I am in the latter category. Nigella Lawson, aka The Domestic Goddess herself, aka the almost anti-Martha - can somehow make me feel insecure about not being able to follow a recipe as well as she can not follow a recipe. Make sense? Yeah, I know.
I watch her cook on TV - throwing and thrashing together ingredients with abandon - in no discernible order, going against ALL the baking rules set forth by all other know-it-alls. All the while, there she is smiling like a Cheshire cat, flirting with you, daring you to throw around your own ingredients, don't bother with this, don't bother with that, who has the time for it, and besides my boobs are awesome! She makes everything seem easy and adorable and delectable and a delight to make, doesn't she? I swear the woman could sell me ocean property right here in the desert, where I live. The saucy minx.
Well anyway, I've seen the little tart make this certain cake a number of times and it was on my list of "To Bake". We were craving something chocolate and I was flipping through my brain files for something different and recalled this crazy chocolate cake Nigella raved about. So I made it.
I think it's the ugliest fekkin' cake I ever made. It's a heinous slab.
But that's just so Nigella. It's a glorious loaf of delicious, messy, chocolateness. It ain't pretty, it isn't graceful to eat, it's not easy to serve right away - it's just one HOT MESS. Remind you of anyone?
Quadruple Chocolate Loaf Cake
This is a very yummy, ugly chocolate cake. Moist, chocolaty, dense, rich - and I think it goes without saying, decadent. I think the best parts of this cake were the areas where the syrup reached the cake - OH MY - extra moist and the flavor was so deep and perfect. I like my cake "fudgy" - and the areas where the syrup met the cake were where my taste buds went wacko. I think the most charming thing about this cake is it was probably the easiest dang thing I ever made in my life - i.e., toss in processor, blitz, done. That's just so Nigella.
Cake
1 2/3 c. AP flour
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 c. cocoa
1 1/3 c. sugar
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, softened
2 eggs
2 T. vanilla
1/3 c. sour cream
1/2 c. boiling water
1 c. mini chocolate chips
Syrup
1 tsp. cocoa
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. water
2 oz. dark chocolate, chopped or curled, for garnish
Equipment: Loaf pan - approximately 9.5 x 4.5 x 3 inches, lined with greased foil, overhanging at the top. Preheat oven to 325F and place baking sheet on middle rack.
In processor, add flour, baking soda, cocoa, sugar, butter, eggs, vanilla, and sour cream - blitz until smooth. Scrape down batter and process again while pouring boiling water down the funnel. Turn off, remove lid and add chocolate chips, using spatula to combine.
Pour batter into prepared loaf pan and place on baking sheet in the oven; cook for about 1 hour. The cake will be done when the loaf has risen, split down the middle, and a cake tester comes out fairly clean.
About 10 minutes before the cake should be done, put the syrup ingredients into a small saucepan and boil for 5 minutes (it won't thicken much).
When the cake is done, place it on a cooling rack (still in the pan) and pierce here and there using a kabob skewer, cake tester, or chop stick. Pour the syrup over the cake, letting it soak in. Allow the cake to come to room temperature, then remove it from the pan and remove the foil. Sprinkle generously with chocolate garnish. ENJOY!
One of the things me and Tony really love doing is laughing at each other and ourselves - it's a constant hobby and one we thoroughly enjoy. Plus, since we're really such bumbling fools-at-heart, there is really no end to material - it just rolls on in. One of Tony's specialty areas is the way in which he is forever reinventing names for something I've cooked in the past. On the weekends especially, he is always asking if I'm making this, that, or the other thing - because he is clearly calorie deprived and it is the weekend after all, hint hint.
So, these are some of the items he is constantly asking me to make:
Cloofette [That would mean the delectable Clafoutis.]
Scuffle Cake [Yeah, that's actually Souffle. I know.]
Oofda Eggs [Uh huh. This is Oeufs en Cocotte - sounds a bit more elegant the latter way, oui?]
Geejooblah Chocolate [Okay. Not self explanatory. Translation IS! Gianduja. Sinful.]
There are SO many more, and now I wish I'd written them down because I can't tell you how entertaining and mind boggling some of them are - I mean, Scuffle Cake? Almost a travesty. But not in this household. I'm not sure if it's just Guy Speak and he's determined to NOT remember the name of any fancy schmancy dish on purpose, or, if he's just trying to invent the most preposterous name he can possibly think of - to chap my ass and then make me giggle. Either way, it obviously works, huh?
Well anyway, I made a Flueberry Frumble Frie - better known to most of you as Blueberry Crumble Pie and is was so damn good I ran down the street without my pants on. Similar to the cherry dish that I just made - I asked Tony ahead of time if he liked blueberries. Well, what do YOU think? NO, of course - doesn't like them, never has, never liked blueberry pie, and blah blee blah blee I didn't even listen to the rest of it because what is the point. And afterward, of course, what do YOU think? He frickin' loved it. So then he ran down the street without his pants on.
Flueberry Frumble Frie (aka Blueberry Crumble Pie)
We adored this pie and it didn't last long in the house, it was such a treat. The filling is very sweet and satisfying - the touch of lemon zest is just divine. And the crumble topping? OH THE CRUMBLE TOPPING. Heavenly. Perfect. Lovely. So much better than a typical pie crust topping. The only downside to the pie is that we couldn't leave it alone - it was one of those desserts that when you have it around, it's addicting. So - you love it, but you hate it. Which means - it is really, really, REALLY good. And makes you run down the street without your pants on, apparently.
Filling
2 pints blueberries
2/3 c. sugar
3 t. cornstarch
1/2 t. finely chopped lemon zest
Crumble
3/4 c. AP flour
1/2 c. dark brown sugar
6 T. butter, cut into small pieces
Use this crust recipe, with baking instructions below
Crumble: combine flour and sugar in processor until combined. Add butter and pulse until mixture forms a crumble, don't over mix. Keep in fridge until ready to use.
Filling: in large bowl, combine all ingredients. Using back of a large spoon, crush about 20% of the blueberries to release the juices and thicken the filling.
Pie/crust: Preheat oven to 350F. Take your prepared pie tin (with dough in the tin, ready for baking, make sure you've poked holes in bottom of crust w/ fork) and line the dough with aluminum foil; fill with pie weights or dried beans. Bake until crimped edges are firm, about 10 minutes; remove foil and weights and bake until bottom is firm, about 10 minutes. Fill the crust with berry mixture and top with the crumble. Place on a lined baking sheet and baked until filling starts to bubble, 1 - 1 1/4 hours. Remove, and cool on a wire rack. Adapted from Martha Stewart. ENJOY!
A = Ann / T = Tony
A: Cherries are in season.
T: Riveting. Thanks for that, I'll be sure and throw that down in the locker room today.
A: Okay, Dennis Miller. AnyPOOP, my point was - I was thinking of making something with cherries. Pie?
T: I don't like cherry anything, cherries just don't do it for me, they're just *eh*.
[3 hours later]
A: Can you taste my cherry thingy?
T: Honey, I hate to tell ya - but I think someone already took care of that initiation for you years ago...
A: OH.MY.GAWD. Shut the pie hole. You are TERRIBLE. I should post that for the world to see. Your MOTHER reads my blog!
T: Yeah, and she'd read it, speed dial Aunt Peggy, and boast about her son who talked about his wife's cherry, who then wrote about it on her blog.
A: ...God, you're right. She'd love it. Sick, isn't it? And we love it, don't we?
[Hi little Cherry Man in back, you cute little focker YOU!]
A: Well, will you JUST taste this dang cherry mini-cake-thing already?
T: ...Wow. This is. Really good.
A: You like it?
T: I better try another one.
T: These are REALLY good, I mean they're really good. Lemme have another one.
A: But you really like 'em?
T: Yeah, I mean I don't like cherries, but these are awesome.
A: You don't like cherries, but you're loving these?
T: Yeah!
A: Uh huh. So do you like cherries now?
T: No. I don't really like cherries. Never have.
A: ....???
Cherry Mini-Cakes (Cakelets)
These are so adorable, I could NOT stop taking pictures of these darlings. Inside the little cake-let is a cherry - stem and pit - so, be sure and forewarn folks of the pit. Right out of the oven and well afterwards, the cherry is warm and oozy. But, they are at their very, very best the day after they're baked - at which point, some of the juice from the cherry has soaked into the crumb and the cake is moist and soft and filled with deepening flavor. These are not, by any means, overly sweet - they are subtle and easy and fresh. They're kind of like a cross between a tea cake and a muffin. They have a lovely, fragrant, cherry, almond flavor - and could not BE more adorable. And if you like cherries? Perfect. And if you don't like cherries? Perfect...
10 T. (1 1/4 sticks) unsalted butter
1 c. AP flour
1 1/4 c. finely ground almonds (unblanched)
1 c. + 2 T. sugar
1 t. coarse salt
5 large egg whites
4 tsp. kirsch (cherry brandy)
30 sweet cherries
Preheat oven to 400F. Butter and flour muffin tins (yield is about 30 cakes).
Melt butter in medium pan over medium high heat until it begins to sputter; reduce to medium. Cook, swirling occasionally until butter has lightly browned. Skim foam from top and remove from heat.
In a bowl, whisk flour, ground almonds, sugar, and salt. Add egg whites and whisk until smooth. Stir in kirsch. Pour in butter and whisk to combine - let stand for 20 minutes.
Spoon 1 tablespoon of batter into each muffin tin, filling about half way. Place a cherry into each tin, keeping stem upright. Using a small spoon, smooth some batter over top of cherries to cover. Bake until a toothpick comes out clean and cakes are golden, 12-15 minutes. Allow to cool for 10 minutes. Run a knife edges to loosen and unmold. Repeat with remaining batter. Serve immediately or store in airtight container. ENJOY!
OH! Hi little fella in the middle, in focus! How adorable are YOU, you little SCAMP?!
It's been a dog day. I had a few things rolling around my brainage about which I might write, maybe relating to those napping cookies. Perhaps I'd wax poetic about specialty flours and my vast, exhaustive knowledge about them. But, first of all - I remembered I lacked said knowledge; and secondly, the day was just refusing to allow for luxurious moments of research and digging into food pornage. Fine, here's this instead.
I was on the phone with my dear mother-in-law (MIL) and we were discussing her dog, Cody, who is having issues. As we're talking, one of my dogs, Wylie, drops his chew - this should have been my first clue of BADNESS COMING since Wylie is extremely possessive of his chew. Then, he suddenly leaps down from the couch. I'm all, whatever dawg, and keep talking. Suddenly I hear a sickening and unmistakable noise coming from Wylie - a rather squirtening sound, if you will. Oh shit. Figuratively. Literally. And he's traveling to complete his carpet art. Here, there, over there - all over every possible carpet fiber.
And, yeah - I'm still talking on the phone, it's important (more on this later). Mind you, Wylie is ALL heart - and now that he's finished, the poor emptied fella lays down and looks at me - and he's all do you want me to go in the other room and cut off a paw because I will totally do it, I will - I just couldn't hold it. I get up, go over and kiss his little face, pick him up - and with phone stuffed in my shoulder area, proceed to clean him up while STILL talking. I get him cleaned up, he keeps his paw. I then proceed to clean the carpet with that enzyme crap that is supposed to clean crap and it's not working for crap, but what am I going to do - rip the carpet up while I'm ON the PHONE? I have my limits. Anyway, got 'er done. Or so I THOUGHT. Clearly, I am the daughter-in-law of the YEAR.
So, I was finally back to sitting on my couch - comfy at last - still talking about my MIL's dog, Cody. We were discussing his latest session with a pet communicator. What? Yes, that's right. Now, before you go thinking we're a nutball family 'round here who calls every 1-900 Tom, Dick, & Harry Pet Psychic when one of our dogs whines, please - don't go all LaToya Jackson Psychic Network on me, okay? She just got this little dude and I met him on my recent vacation. We are dog people through and through - and we have never in our lives seen anything like this little guy - just a shut down little dude, but he came from a completely wonderful home. After a bunch of vet visits (perfect health), my MIL remembered a Pet Communicator's name she had and *boom*, without boring you with a bunch of details - this woman pegged Cody completely, from just a picture - and he is depressed and misses his sister, Olivia, who he was with for a year. So, we're discussing a very depressed little doggy - and even crap will not keep me from this discussion.
But as I'm sitting there on my lovely sofa, I keep getting little whiffs of that bad smell - I know what it is, but I CANNOT find where it's coming from - I really can't, but I know it's somewhere on my lovely sofa. And now I'm thinking I might have a job for that damn pet psychic.
So, that was my dog day - and why this wasn't ALL ABOUT THE NY TIMES CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES. Moving on to those cookies, finally.....
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Well, a couple weeks ago, the NY Times caused quite a stir with their article about the ultimate chocolate chip cookie, which included a recipe originally by Jacques Torres and then adapted by David Leite. I tried the recipe and was kind of ho-hum about it - and it left me wondering if the two specialty flours really made much of a difference. So, I had a throw down with myself - I made the same recipe the next day, but with all-purpose flour - because I really didn't want to recommend the specialty flours if I didn't find them necessary. The result? Use all-purpose flour, period. Yep. There is almost no difference between the finished product, except cost. The big takeaway from this recipe is: go ahead and sprinkle some sea salt on the tops of your chocolate chip cookies before baking them - that was a WOW, brings out the flavor, and leaves a wonderful lingering finish (and of course add salt to the batter). Are they the consummate chocolate chip cookie? Not really; they're pretty darn great. Honestly, I like my cookies softer, more giving - so, I'm just not feelin' the ultimateness. So, there ya have it, folks. Wait...the OTHER problem: the fact that you have to let the dough rest in the fridge overnight - okay...HOW MANY times do you think I was IN that bowl eating dough? Yeah. PROBLEM.
2 c. minus 2 T. (8 1/2 oz) cake flour (or AP flour*)
1 2/3 c. (8 1/2 oz.) bread flour (or AP flour*)
1 1/4 t. baking soda
1 1/2 t. baking powder
1 1/2 t. coarse salt
2 1/2 sticks (1 1/4 c.) unsalted butter
1 1/4 c. (10 oz.) light brown sugar
1 c. + 2 T. (8 oz.) granulated sugar
2 large eggs
2 t. vanilla
1 1/4 lb. semisweet chocolate chips/chunks/discs, at least 60% cacao
sea salt
In a bowl, sift together flours, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
Using a mixer, cream butter and sugars until very light, about 5 minutes. Add eggs, one at a time - mixing well after each addition; add vanilla and mix. Reduce speed to low, add dry ingredients and mix just until combined. Add chocolate and stir with wooden spoon to distribute throughout dough. Press plastic wrap against dough and place in fridge for 24-36 hours (up to 72 hrs. max).
To bake, preheat oven to 350F. Line baking sheet with parchment or baking mat. Scoop golf-ball size pieces of dough onto baking sheet, leaving about 2 inches between cookies. Sprinkle lightly with sea salt and bake until golden brown but still soft, about 16-20 minutes. Transfer pan to cooling rack for about 10 minutes, then remove cookies from pan and place directly on rack for further cooling. Repeat with remaining dough. Eat warm or store in airtight container. ENJOY!
*Count yourself lucky whenever flour measurements are given in weight, because with "cups" (volume) - you can end up with huge variances depending upon how you get that flour into those cups. So, if possible - use your scale to measure 17 oz. worth of AP flour; if you don't have a scale, use 4 c. of AP flour.
