Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I Can't Quit You

Well, this is not about food today. It's about my freakish ability to linger in indecision. Those of you who know me, nod your heads - and then shake them in disdain and "over-it-ness". I am so over myself right now. I am quite possibly the most indecisive insect (how I'm categorizing myself at the moment) on the planet. Do you know how annoying that is for me? Not to mention others forced to deal with me? Others: my deepest sympathies. Self: you need to hire a professional bitch-slapper, like yesterday. Not only that, but when I finally DO make a decision - I agonize over its correctness for days and weeks on end.

So, do you know who my indecision is the perfect match for? Well, that'd be a certain service where you can buy and print your stamps online. I decided, after paying about $20 a month for 3 months of service and using $0 per month in stamps, that it really didn't serve a purpose in the household. Make sense? Yes, perfect. So, I call them up and try to quit them. Well, dang if I'm not treated to every pleasantry known to woman - and before I know it, I've been credited all service fees, given 3 months of free service and $20 worth of free postage credited to my account - SURE I'll stay.

Couple days later, I'm all - what was I thinking? So, I print my free postage, get all puffed up, decide to call them up, and state again that I truly just don't need the service. Once again, I'm given 3 more months of free service, they knock me down to the "less expensive" monthly plan, send me some complimentary net-stamps, and credit my account with $20 more of free postage....."just call us back by July 30th to cancel - just give us a try until then". And I, completely entranced or perhaps drugged by that point, replied breathlessly "oooookkkaaayyyy, Kimberlyyyyyy". And hung up. And now I'm wondering if there is a subliminal message playing over the phone line, forcing me to stay - because I am never this obtuse. I can't quit them.

Remember the episode of Friends when Ross can't quit his gym membership? So then he asks Chandler, I think? And Chandler can't do it either? So, then - what happens - do they ask Monica - is that it, and she finally takes care of it?
WELL, MY GOD I NEED A MONICA, PEOPLE.

19 comments:

Laura @ Hungry and Frozen said...

I so agree. I need a Monica. If she could clean up after me as well it would be brilliant. I hear that actually settling upon the decision that you are indecisive is the first step... :)

Razor Family Farms said...

I could actually live a long time without a Monica -- she is the reason (she and Ross) that I can't stand Friends. I know, I know... I'm horrible. I hate Friends. I also hate Sex and the City.

There.

I said it.

Am I banished?

Blessings!
Lacy

kspin said...

Not only do I need a Monica, I need her to move in...permanently. So she can look over my shoulder everyday and remind me what I have sworn off! :)

Ann said...

Laura - that's right, she's an OCD cleaner, brilliant!

Lacy - LOL - I don't mind Friends-haters! Monica could be totally annoying, couldn't she? And Ross, with the schlepping? Yeah, I can totally see it... :)

Kspin - Monica would so do that for you, until you got to the point where you might have to lock her in the closet, right, bc you couldn't stand her anymore? :)

Michelle said...

ROFL. I think the real message here is that I'm signing up, just to cancel so I can get 6 months of free service and free postage credit. Nice.

Sarah B. said...

I have dibs on The Monica. I need one too. Mostly for cleaning, but wasn't she the chef too? For that too. And I might as well toss in Joey for the sexies.

NV said...

Free postage for another couple months... hmmm. Sounds pretty decisive to me. :-)
Just work on that "NO" thing before it's time to re-up in July. I think the postage company will have it mastered by then.

RP said...

This has got to be stamps.com and I'm signing up asap for all of this free crap. I'll get the free stuff and then I'll get me a Monica.

Ann said...

Michelle - LOL - exactly - sign 'er up!

Sarah - I like the plan, though I think you'll have to duke it out for The Monica.

NV - I so have to work on the NO. Or, the Monica...

RP - Yep, that's the service! :)

firefly546 said...

Yes, yes, indecision--it can give you ulcers. Believe me, I know! Yesterday I walked around and around the bedding department at Target. After 40 minutes of weighing all my options, I walked out with plain, safe, white sheets. Why couldn't I take the leap and buy the little pink roses?! I'll tell you why, because even though in my heart of hearts I loved them and knew I would love sleeping on them, I was too snobby to buy little pink rose sheets. Not designy enough. Next week, I bet I'll go back and buy them. And then maybe take them back. We'll see.

Jen said...

You know, what happened to customer service being totally rude? Granted, they're trying to keep your business, but how about some old fashioned rudeness to boot you out the door? That's what you really need!

Ann said...

Firefly - A woman after my own heart. I swear, I'm on a first name basis at the Target return department - bc I buy something, return it, and sometimes buy it again. Mortifying. Sometimes, I'll return something at a whole 'nother Target, just so I don't have to face the usual return desk. It's that ridiculous. Omg, such a loser.

Jen - Exactly! Why, when I need the USUAL totally rude service that I receive, do I then get kid-glove service? Confounding!

diva said...

i know! it's why i really hate phone services..it's a goddamn marketing trick i tell you. how annoying. i'm feeling so frustrated for you because i had a similar experience, not trying to get off a plan though but more to downgrade the bloody plan which in the end was fucked up completely by the incompetent fool on the other end of the phone.
pardon my french but stuff like this really annoys me a hell lot.

i hope you find the monica you need. otherwise, just be very firm and use a loud voice. that really sucks cause I use to run a cake boutique and had to take calls on the phone (and had idiots ringing me up just cause i had a great accent and a nice voice) so i HATE it when people take an unfriendly tone with me but sometimes YOU GOTTA DO WAT YOU GOTTA DO.

so i say go for it girl.
all the best.

xxx

A Monica said...

I AM a Monica by nature, so if/when you need one, you just call on me...and I'll be there.

Katherine B. said...

LOL. This was funny. My first time on this blog, I'll be back, it's just a great read. Thanks!

Ann said...

Diva - Love it that you can be so pleasant and whip out the f-bombs as needed - a girl after my own heart.

A Monica - Like a James Taylor song, I feel you're there for me, lol.

Katherine B. - thanks for stopping by! :)

Dawn(wolfmom2ac) said...

I'll be your Monica! I am "Monica" for my Mom!! When she wants to order something or when the telemarketers calls, she always hands me the phone and I deal with the people!! I love doing that! So next time you need a Monica let me know!

Ann said...

Dawn - I need you! On speed dial! I'm such a pansy...

Nicole said...

There is also an episode of Friends where Chandler can't quit the gym so he gets Ross to come with him and back him up, but then Ross ends up getting a gym membership while Chandler is trying to cancel his. So, they decide to go to the bank and cancel their accounts- cutting the gym off at the source, but they end up leaving with a joint checking account. Anyway... I watch way too much of that show. Oh, and I just came across your blog and I love it!