Best of Comments Vol. 1, With Cookies

Sometimes, the best part of this blog is found in the words left by visitors, where comments can be profound, hysterical, evocative, and validating. I just want to personally thank EACH and EVERY person who has ever taken the time to leave a comment here - because they LIGHT UP MY DAY. Fellow bloggers out there, you know what I mean - comments are so very much appreciated. Blogging takes time, a helluva lot of effort on some days, plus a certain amount of vulnerability - so yeah - when I receive comments, I sometimes feel I may as well be sitting on George Clooney's lap while receiving a temple rub from Brad Pitt while Halle Berry is signing the papers to donate her body to me. It's that GOOD.

So, over some milk and cookies, I thought I'd share some snippets from some great comments. And wow - I seriously could've typed ALL of them here, because they're all fantastico - but I feel like you'd probably break up with me over that level of overdoingitness. I think I'll continue this little feature from time-to-time - with cookies, of course - so you'll have to let me know what you think. With no further ado....

Nicisme from Cherrapeno commented, regarding my idea of farting at a baby shower: I think you could get away with a lot more than farting if you serve up brownies like these. [Oh, the ideas are brewing even now...]

Laura from Hungry and Frozen regarding the same farting, commented: But are you saying the essence of you is...gas? If so, I salute you. [Could I ask for a better comment? I think not!]

Lacy from Razor Family Farms, regarding the Miracle Berry, had a genius comment: So, you will be marketing it as "inlaws coming to dinner survival kit" eh? [Untapped market here!]

Sarah B., following some of my value-adding prowess, confessed: My goals for this week are to Drink the Alphabet, call someone a Microphallus, Throw Breadcrumbs to a Helicopter, and get into a Shituation. [Can't beat that with a stick!]

Firefly546, regarding those flirty little tarlets proclaimed: Looking at these darling tartlets, however, makes me think we're all going to have an orgy! I think you can do that in Vegas, too. [Saucy minx!]

Kspin from KSpinning, regarding the same tartlets, and my food creations overall, aptly stated: The thought of working at your office is appealing yet dangerous... [Think my co-workers love me and want to poison me too.]

Diva from The Sugar Bar had poignant advice regarding my inability to quit Stamps.com: YA GOTTA DO WHAT YA GOTTA DO. [Plus, awesome use of cuss words in the unedited version - she even 'scused her French]

Tootsie from Vintage Thirty regarding the ____ who parked her cart behind me: WOW. I can't even imagine being that much of a bitch. [I know! Right?]

NV from This Damn House clearly understands frosting: I might as well slather that icing all over my hips and eliminate the middle woman! [With this frosting, she'd end up licking it off her hips, though.]

Jennifer H. from Thursday Drive gave great advice regarding my phone revulsions: You should try this trick...hang up while YOU'RE talking. [Brilliant...unless anyone who knows me has now read this.]

Lisa from Chocolate And had the greatest closing line from the same post above: Love your posts and recipes and OCD - have a great weekend! [I think I was just diagnosed! And I love her for it!]

Kate, regarding the same post of Reasons To Not Be Me expanded on reasons we may not want to be her: I've often found it far easier to just stop at the store and buy new underwear, instead of going out to the laundromat to wash those I have already in a pile on my bathroom floor. [I publicly love her right now for this.]

Readers, commenters - ALL - you're simply THE BEST. Thanks for making my day.

Now, how 'bout some rockin' cookies? Read ON...
















Black and White Cookies

Well, I'm a little frustrated with Martha. Yes, that Martha. Having now used more than a few of her recipes, I've found they're - well - often lacking in some vital information. As in, this dough could also be used as a substitute for super glue. GOOD to know ahead of time, no? I know! Step 14: slather yourself in silicone before proceeding with dough - FINE - just keep me informed. I'm not asking much here - just um...instructions that...work? Shocker! Well, what I thought looked like an EXtremely simple little sugar cookie nearly had me calling my husband to hotly vent into the phone, for absolutely nothing that had to do with him. Poor fella. I elected instead to bring this dough to its knees - or its...dough...knees, whatev. I battled through, cussing out Martha and every kitchen tool I tried along the way - and somehow all that cussing worked - because the end result was a rather fetching little cookie that tasted quite lovely. So it was good and bad. These cookies both chapped my ass and made me happy. I guess that explains the Black and White. I'm BRILLIANT that way.

1 1/4 c. all purpose flour
1/2 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
6 T unsalted butter, softened
1/2 c. granulated sugar
1 large egg
3/4 t vanilla
1/3 c. buttermilk
2 c. powdered sugar
1 T + 1 t light corn syrup
2 1/2 t fresh lemon juice
1 T cocoa powder

Preheat oven to 350F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. In a bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, and salt - set aside. Using a mixer, cream the butter - about 2 minutes. Add the granulated sugar and beat until fluffy and light, about 2 minutes. Add the egg and 1/2 t vanilla, mix until combined. Add the flour mixture and buttermilk, alternating in 3 batches.

HERE, I want to provide some alternatives. You may hand-roll the dough into about 4 dozen, tablespoon size balls; KEEP coating your fingers in flour (detail left out by Martha, roll eyes here). Place balls on cookie sheet and, I'd suggest flattening the ball with the bottom of a glass that has been dipped in flour (Martha's recipe simply says to place balls on pan, I think the cookies are better if flattened a bit). Place cookies about 2 inches a part. The other option is to just flour a surface, roll out the dough, and cut out the cookie, using a 1 1/2 round (or whatever suits you).

Bake until bottoms turn golden, about 8-10 minutes. Transfer to wire rack and cool.

Icing: whisk powdered sugar, corn syrup, lemon juice, remaining 1/4 t. vanilla, and 1 T water in a small bowl until smooth. Add more water if needed (consistency should be a bit thicker than honey). Transfer half of mixture to another bowl. Stir in cocoa; add water if necessary. Spread white icing on half of each cookie's flattest side and cocoa on the other side; allow to set for about 30 minutes. ENJOY!