Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Because I'm A Value-Adding Machine




















First, that tool in the pic above - it's the cheapest whisk I ever purchased, of several - and it's the one I use the most. I'm just sayin'. A bit more on that later.

Well, I've run across some wonderful absurdities lately and I just could not be more pleased. Tickled would be more apt. I really abhor sounding like a broken record, but again, it really is the little things in life [you remember the spoons] that make me squirm. And squeal. Sometimes, I'll be upstairs - online - and I'll let out a little squeal - and not because I'm in some adult chat room participating in a toe fetish circle. No, it's usually because I've just discovered something so amusing that a physical reaction just bubbled over - and I hear hub downstairs mutter "oh god, what now" - because he knows he'll soon hear the riveting blow-by-blow about the new discovery, and the how-did-I-live-without-it-previously description. Good times.

Anyhow, must share and add some value!

1) Found a list called "The Top 30 Highs Of Life"
Now, I think my favorite Top Highs, of the 30 - are probably New Pants and Drinking the Alphabet - merely because of my surprise that the former actually made the cut and I was just so intrigued by the latter - that I now want to find a way to actually make it happen, just to feel the high (what do you think, alphabet soup or ?). As for the pants though - as a chick, I will say that the right pair of jeans - when they happen - can almost give a good-hair-day a run for its money.

2) Brilliant: "10 Insulting Words You Should Know"
This resulted in a ginormous squeal. I mean, I am literally salivating for a situation (oh, hold on - I actually have a replacement word for situation, just hold on) where I can whip out the word Microphallus, after which I really think my opponent would prove speechless. And, Bescumber? Well, this is a food blog - so I won't describe it here, but let's just say for the eternally immature - which I am - it's a classic missive that I also look forward to whipping out during just the right moment.

3) Ironic: "The 10 Best Ways to Win an Argument"
Now, what's compelling about this little nugget is that its author is sort of a professional mediator/life coach/work coach. So, personally - I'd just love to have this whippersnapper come into my office and teach us #1 from her list on How To Win an Argument, which starts with: Call them names. Particularly those that start with A, B, C and F. Now, THAT is MY kind of A,B,C and F-in mediation, man! Love her!

4) Simply GENIUS: "Canonical List of Fulldeckisms"
(As in, "He's Not Playing With a Full Deck")
This is a list of one thousand four hundred and eighty eight insultisms, at last count. If you like snark, this may be your home page - your resting place. Favorites? Pick one. Has delusions of adequacy. Has been seen throwing bread crumbs to helicopters. As worn out as a cucumber in a convent. All Preparation, No H. Uplifting!

5) Love it: "Urban Dictionary"
I mean, I could spend hours milling about on this site, honing my vocabulary. And, "situation", who needs it? Instead, I give you shituation. Infinitely more satisfying. And, how 'bout "for shnitzel my knitzel" - well, little did you know, it translates to: "of course I will knit with you my friend of the opposite sex who is not my race." You're SO welcome!

6) Snark incarnate: "Stuff White People Like"
I just want give this blog a wet willy or a big old wedgie or something. So far, my favorite entry is probably the one about bottled water, where it starts off "Water seems like a fairly simple concept. You turn on the tap, put glass underneath, and drink. Sadly, it is not this simple for white people." Oh, and don't miss his rant on Kitchen Gadgets - although my coveted $1.99 whisk is the subject's antithesis, omg I'm so taupe! The reader comments alone are sheer entertainment - because the writer is equal parts exalted and reviled.
He's like the equivalent of a human Twinkie.

So, yeah, clearly I've been busy. What can I say? This stuff just finds me - and since it made me giggle and brightened my day, well, I thought it might make you chuckle too. Then again, perhaps you'll want to bescumber me for being such a ninnyhammer. In which case, I'll just think you're a microphallus and I'll just remove myself from the shituation.

...and later this week...stay tuned for Bow To Me Brownies - at least, I think that's what I'm naming these little jezebels, whom we've been worshiping, and gloriously inhaling, all week. Okay...here is a teaser....






















[And, thanks to DW for links to #2 & 5 :)]

20 comments:

RP said...

O M G. Following such a great posting, I feel special leaving the first comment. Listen, I love the great pictures but its the writing that is bringing me back here. I do want to see those brownies now, come to think of it though. -RP

Razor Family Farms said...

Oh yes... I spent a good fifteen minutes cackling in front of my computer while reading this post! I needed a good belly laugh!

My favorite insult: bicycle seat sniffer.

Oh yeah. Straight from the second grade playground. It's a gooder. Shamefully, I still want to use it and with the right combination of alcoholic beverages -- it might escape these lips. Oh yeah. Cause it stings and it zings and it has POWER.

Blessings!
Lacy

Claudia said...

Soooo funny and scrumptious pics to boot. Trying to go raw right now and your blog is not helping. Good luck tomorrow when dooce.com will be featured on TODAY... hope you get oodles of hits. We'll hopefully be riding on the same wave! Okay, off to eat a carrot... take care, Claudia @ www.ransomsoul.com

Kimberly said...

I'm just itching to use the word microphallus today. In fact, it's going to be my word of the day and I'm going to see just how many times I can :) Thanks for the laughs

Ann said...

Lacy - SO glad I brought you some belly laughs! Bicycle seat sniffer - classic! Oh, my. Love it.

Claudia - going to come visit your site to check 'er out. Sorry about the food temptations, but at least you can lick the screen and it still doesn't count...??? :)

Kimberly - do let me know how it goes with microphallus, bc I really think it's my new favorite word!

Sarah B. said...

My goals for this week are to Drink the Alphabet, call someone a Microphallus, Throw Breadcrumbs to a Helicopter, get into a Shituation, ascertain my Whiteness (probably shameful) and then bake something sinful. I owe you.

Kirsten said...

Lol, going to a knitting class this weekend, and I'm totally going to pull out "for shnitzel my knitzel"! I just hope I don't get into a shituation over it! Great post. Totally subscribing.

SteamyKitchen said...

love it!
just spent 20 min reading through.

xo, j

Ann said...

Kirsten - PLEASE let me know the "knitzel" comment goes - would love to hear an update!

Sarah - Our goals are clearly one and the same, debt paid! :)

Ann said...

J - So glad you stopped by! You steamy kitten you! :)

nv said...

OK, so after I spit water all over the monitor... :-) Great post!

I'll have to blog about this one so that anyone I haven't already shared this with will be sure to check it out.

Each one of these links has its own special something.

Razor Family Farms said...

I need you to come to my house and teach me how to take these wonderful pictures! While my blog is not exactly a foodie blog (although it is run by a die-fat-and-with-real-butter foodie), I do throw some recipes in from time to time. It sure would help to have a pro like you make the food look fabulous!

Blessings!
Lacy

kspin said...

How do you find all of this great stuff?! I wasted so much time checking out the Urban Dictionary and felt just fine about that! Thanks for the smiles!

Ann said...

Lacy - what a great compliment, thank you! I love taking the photos, actually - but it sure can be time consuming...

Kspin - LOL! I could spend ALL day on Urban Dictionary - LOVE it!! :)

Laura @ Hungry and Frozen said...

Hee, I had to use Urban Dictionary to find out what "illin'" meant once and was stuck there for hours. I found SWPL a while ago, it's hilarious. Can't always relate to it but if nothing else the trillion reader comments are worth a chuckle.

That brownie is highly titillating, can't wait to see the rest. I wonder if I can use the word microphallus in my Renaissance English essay - those plays were full of phallic symbolism!

Ann said...

Laura - I swear, your comments are always so brilliant - I literally look forward to them! If anyone could pull off using microphallus in a Renaissance English essay - it would absolutely be YOU. :)

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