Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Because I'm A Value-Adding Machine
First, that tool in the pic above - it's the cheapest whisk I ever purchased, of several - and it's the one I use the most. I'm just sayin'. A bit more on that later.
Well, I've run across some wonderful absurdities lately and I just could not be more pleased. Tickled would be more apt. I really abhor sounding like a broken record, but again, it really is the little things in life [you remember the spoons] that make me squirm. And squeal. Sometimes, I'll be upstairs - online - and I'll let out a little squeal - and not because I'm in some adult chat room participating in a toe fetish circle. No, it's usually because I've just discovered something so amusing that a physical reaction just bubbled over - and I hear hub downstairs mutter "oh god, what now" - because he knows he'll soon hear the riveting blow-by-blow about the new discovery, and the how-did-I-live-without-it-previously description. Good times.
Anyhow, must share and add some value!
1) Found a list called "The Top 30 Highs Of Life"
Now, I think my favorite Top Highs, of the 30 - are probably New Pants and Drinking the Alphabet - merely because of my surprise that the former actually made the cut and I was just so intrigued by the latter - that I now want to find a way to actually make it happen, just to feel the high (what do you think, alphabet soup or ?). As for the pants though - as a chick, I will say that the right pair of jeans - when they happen - can almost give a good-hair-day a run for its money.
2) Brilliant: "10 Insulting Words You Should Know"
This resulted in a ginormous squeal. I mean, I am literally salivating for a situation (oh, hold on - I actually have a replacement word for situation, just hold on) where I can whip out the word Microphallus, after which I really think my opponent would prove speechless. And, Bescumber? Well, this is a food blog - so I won't describe it here, but let's just say for the eternally immature - which I am - it's a classic missive that I also look forward to whipping out during just the right moment.
3) Ironic: "The 10 Best Ways to Win an Argument"
Now, what's compelling about this little nugget is that its author is sort of a professional mediator/life coach/work coach. So, personally - I'd just love to have this whippersnapper come into my office and teach us #1 from her list on How To Win an Argument, which starts with: Call them names. Particularly those that start with A, B, C and F. Now, THAT is MY kind of A,B,C and F-in mediation, man! Love her!
4) Simply GENIUS: "Canonical List of Fulldeckisms"
(As in, "He's Not Playing With a Full Deck")
This is a list of one thousand four hundred and eighty eight insultisms, at last count. If you like snark, this may be your home page - your resting place. Favorites? Pick one. Has delusions of adequacy. Has been seen throwing bread crumbs to helicopters. As worn out as a cucumber in a convent. All Preparation, No H. Uplifting!
5) Love it: "Urban Dictionary"
I mean, I could spend hours milling about on this site, honing my vocabulary. And, "situation", who needs it? Instead, I give you shituation. Infinitely more satisfying. And, how 'bout "for shnitzel my knitzel" - well, little did you know, it translates to: "of course I will knit with you my friend of the opposite sex who is not my race." You're SO welcome!
6) Snark incarnate: "Stuff White People Like"
I just want give this blog a wet willy or a big old wedgie or something. So far, my favorite entry is probably the one about bottled water, where it starts off "Water seems like a fairly simple concept. You turn on the tap, put glass underneath, and drink. Sadly, it is not this simple for white people." Oh, and don't miss his rant on Kitchen Gadgets - although my coveted $1.99 whisk is the subject's antithesis, omg I'm so taupe! The reader comments alone are sheer entertainment - because the writer is equal parts exalted and reviled.
He's like the equivalent of a human Twinkie.
So, yeah, clearly I've been busy. What can I say? This stuff just finds me - and since it made me giggle and brightened my day, well, I thought it might make you chuckle too. Then again, perhaps you'll want to bescumber me for being such a ninnyhammer. In which case, I'll just think you're a microphallus and I'll just remove myself from the shituation.
...and later this week...stay tuned for Bow To Me Brownies - at least, I think that's what I'm naming these little jezebels, whom we've been worshiping, and gloriously inhaling, all week. Okay...here is a teaser....
[And, thanks to DW for links to #2 & 5 :)]