Overheard In Our Household

Ann: Just saw a sign for a firearms shop, do you think we should have one?
Tony: Nah! I think I should have a grenade.
Ann: In case of a break-in?
Tony: Yeah, if some sub-Mensa breaks in, I'll hold up a grenade. They mess with me? I pull the pin and throw it at them. That'll show 'em.
Ann: Uh huh. So, how do you suppose our home insurance will feel about the damage?
Tony: Self defense!
Ann: An indoor grenade as self defense? And who is the sub-Mensa here?
__________

Tony: Did you take your medicine today?
Ann: Ooooh, that's a good "Overheard", aren't you clever!
Tony: So, now our conversations are just fodder for Overheards?
Ann: Well, now this one is really an Overheard about an Overheard.
Tony: Like I said, did you take your medicine today?
Ann: I'm not on any medicine.
Tony: Then Voltaire was wrong.
Ann: Oh please.
Tony: All things are NOT as they should be.
__________

[I believe this was his comment during a day when I was in a particular state of bouncing off the walls during Phoenix's 115-degree cabin-fever, perhaps]

Tony: You need to find something else to do with your time. Like a 1-person play for 3 years in another city.

[He's so obviously enamored with me, yes?]

I Can't Deliver A Line

At the doctor's office this week, a conversation between me and the nurse:

Nurse: Do you smoke?

Me: No, but every year it's my New Year's Resolution to start smoking. Of course, I don't keep my resolutions.

Nurse: Smoking is terrible for your health, I'm sure you know that.

Me: Yeah, I was joking. Every year I say my New Year's Resolution is that I'm going to START smoking - but since every year I don't keep my resolutions, it's the perfect resolution. Get it? You can use it if you want!

Nurse: I hate smoking, so, I don't think I'd want to start.

Me: Um, yeah - that's kinda my point.

Nurse: [blank look] I'll bring you some anti-smoking literature before you leave.

You can all thank me now for never applying for a writing job for, oh, Friends or Seinfeld. I'm sure you can gather they were breaking down my door trying to access my brainage. You're welcome.

That One Damn Book

Ann: I'm running to the book store, I'll be back later.
Tony: Can you pick up that one book Eric is reading?
Ann: Yes. I'll walk up to the help counter and say can you point me in the right direction? I'd like to buy that one book Eric is reading.

Funny, I don't recall psychic abilities being part of the marriage vows.

However, it is quite endearing that he thinks me either so omnipotent or omniscient, or just so capable, that I can take the above information from him, and nothing else, and FIND THAT BOOK.

There was one day when I swore I was seeing his aura and I told him I thought it was indigo. Or was that his shirt and it was just after my eye appointment where I had my pupils dilated? Well, either way - the guy believes in me like there is no tomorrow and I'm going to find that damn book Eric is reading.

Violating My Rights

First of all, can someone please tell me what happened to Monday through Thursday? They occurred? Because I'm not sure I was present for any of it. My migraine could tell you more, but screw it - it has monopolized enough of my week already.

So anyway, I get up this morning and schlep toward my loving espresso machine (oh, gawd how I love and adore THEE), make my magic elixir, and head toward the bathroom to kitten up. As I'm slathering lotion on my face - which IS my eternal routine, pre-shower - Tony proceeds to schlep behind me toward the shower....and SO, I start to angle MY way toward the shower....

Tony: What are you doing? Are you trying to SHOWER BLOCK me?
Ann: Dude, I was the FIRST one UP, I have shower rights!
Tony: You're shower blocking me - you're walking over here, eyes closed, rubbing crap on your face - trying to block me from getting in the shower!
Ann: I totally have shower rights, I was first up, I have my espresso right here - CLEARLY the shower is mine!
Tony: I just turned on the shower, too late for a shower block - it's mine.
Ann: Wow. You just totally violated the 1st Amendment of Shower Rights. I was first UP...

Okay....I was UP FIRST, did I or did I NOT have shower rights? I think I totally did. OH the conditions I must live under in this household. The CONDITIONS!

It's All About The Cherries

A = Ann / T = Tony

A: Cherries are in season.
T: Riveting. Thanks for that, I'll be sure and throw that down in the locker room today.
A: Okay, Dennis Miller. AnyPOOP, my point was - I was thinking of making something with cherries. Pie?
T: I don't like cherry anything, cherries just don't do it for me, they're just *eh*.























[3 hours later]

A: Can you taste my cherry thingy?
T: Honey, I hate to tell ya - but I think someone already took care of that initiation for you years ago...
A: OH.MY.GAWD. Shut the pie hole. You are TERRIBLE. I should post that for the world to see. Your MOTHER reads my blog!
T: Yeah, and she'd read it, speed dial Aunt Peggy, and boast about her son who talked about his wife's cherry, who then wrote about it on her blog.
A: ...God, you're right. She'd love it. Sick, isn't it? And we love it, don't we?



















[Hi little Cherry Man in back, you cute little focker YOU!]

A: Well, will you JUST taste this dang cherry mini-cake-thing already?
T: ...Wow. This is. Really good.
A: You like it?
T: I better try another one.
T: These are REALLY good, I mean they're really good. Lemme have another one.
A: But you really like 'em?
T: Yeah, I mean I don't like cherries, but these are awesome.
A: You don't like cherries, but you're loving these?
T: Yeah!
A: Uh huh. So do you like cherries now?
T: No. I don't really like cherries. Never have.
A: ....???

















Cherry Mini-Cakes (Cakelets)

These are so adorable, I could NOT stop taking pictures of these darlings. Inside the little cake-let is a cherry - stem and pit - so, be sure and forewarn folks of the pit. Right out of the oven and well afterwards, the cherry is warm and oozy. But, they are at their very, very best the day after they're baked - at which point, some of the juice from the cherry has soaked into the crumb and the cake is moist and soft and filled with deepening flavor. These are not, by any means, overly sweet - they are subtle and easy and fresh. They're kind of like a cross between a tea cake and a muffin. They have a lovely, fragrant, cherry, almond flavor - and could not BE more adorable. And if you like cherries? Perfect. And if you don't like cherries? Perfect...

10 T. (1 1/4 sticks) unsalted butter
1 c. AP flour
1 1/4 c. finely ground almonds (unblanched)
1 c. + 2 T. sugar
1 t. coarse salt
5 large egg whites
4 tsp. kirsch (cherry brandy)
30 sweet cherries

Preheat oven to 400F. Butter and flour muffin tins (yield is about 30 cakes).

Melt butter in medium pan over medium high heat until it begins to sputter; reduce to medium. Cook, swirling occasionally until butter has lightly browned. Skim foam from top and remove from heat.

In a bowl, whisk flour, ground almonds, sugar, and salt. Add egg whites and whisk until smooth. Stir in kirsch. Pour in butter and whisk to combine - let stand for 20 minutes.

Spoon 1 tablespoon of batter into each muffin tin, filling about half way. Place a cherry into each tin, keeping stem upright. Using a small spoon, smooth some batter over top of cherries to cover. Bake until a toothpick comes out clean and cakes are golden, 12-15 minutes. Allow to cool for 10 minutes. Run a knife edges to loosen and unmold. Repeat with remaining batter. Serve immediately or store in airtight container. ENJOY!


















OH! Hi little fella in the middle, in focus! How adorable are YOU, you little SCAMP?!

Back To My Previously Scheduled Life

I am officially back from vacation (I think one of my nerves just splayed open from typing that). As perfection would have it, I backed out of my driveway this morning to go about my business - except something felt all funny and flappy and weird. So I opened my car door and peered back at my rear tire - sure enough if that blowhole wasn't as flat as a boob-in-a-mammogram. Welcome home. I called Tony's office and asked that he be interrupted from his conference call so I could inquire whether it's possible to drive on the metal rim to the nearest gas station without totally ruining something or other; he says "Um, absolutely not", of course I have to ask 5 times if he's sure - indeed he is, dang him.

This is totally my own fault. I've had a rear tire problem for, oh...let's see, 3 months or so? If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you know my abhorrence for ALL things that involve an appointment of ANY kind. So, instead of making an appointment to just fix this stupid tire - I've been adding a bit of air about once a week when I get gas - because that's SO MUCH MORE convenient than getting it fixed, right? Yeeeeah. But see, I forgot to hire a tire sitter during my vacation - so here I am stuck with a flat tire because the poor thing sat unattended for ten days. I might as well have turned my stove-top burners on high and placed my houseplants on them while we were gone too, right? I know.

Considering the aftermath, maybe I'm not an easy person to travel with - but I do love to travel. Or rather, I love the destination - but I'm not the best at FLYING, per se. Do you know what I mean? Where sometimes your chemistry on the given day is just NOT set up for flying? There are flying-days when I want to crawl right out of my skin, out of my organs, right out of my wretched soul and blast out into orbit and into the arms of the global warming - rather than into the wings of that damn waiting plane of prison. I think for wonky folks like us, planes need anti-gravity rooms so the flight attendants can just throw us lunatics in there and we can literally bounce off the walls until we're at the gate, it'd be perfect.

At the same time, I think the lack of oxygen can add to the mentaltainment - adding to the loopiness and chattiness and silly monotony...

Us, Overheard On The Airplane:

T: I think you've reached the plane's allowed word limit.
A: OH! Ohmahgad, think I'm goin' to guffaw here.
T: I think you should nap.
A: I've been trying to.
T: Try harder.
A: I've had my head on your shoulder for 40 minutes, eyes closed! I can't sleep.
T: You so need to nap before me and our neighbors permanently gang-nap you.
A: Oh. OH.
_____

A: I am so bored, I am out of my skull-mind-brain bored.
A: I hate flying, I'm not a good flyer. I feel crowded inside and out. I need space. I want to sprawl.
A: I'm done with the magazines, don't want to read, this crossword makes me mad. Sudoku can suck it!
A: I'm going to run down the aisle and scream FIRE!
T: [stares blankly]
A: I'm gonna go crazy, I really can't stand flying one more minute.
T: Okay, but you want to travel everywhere in the world?
A: Well yeah. But on my OWN plane.
T: Your own plane?
A: Well, duh! Why do you think I'm putting in my 3-days-a-week at work?
T: [calls flight attendant for new seat]

I just don't do well all packed in tight and taut. On top of that, you have the poor screaming babies and their even more miserable parents and the nearby travelers who look at them accusingly as if they programmed the child to scream during these chosen moments. Tony is always reading calmly and I'm always "Are you reading? Is the book good? Is it really good? What do you want to talk about? Are you thirsty, because I'm thirsty? I think someone is FARTING continuously!" - I mean, it really is an excess of humanity in one place - a recipe for excess irritability and clock watching and someone continuously farting nearby.

I think I have a solution. You see, we take our dogs with us in the cabin and they get a little tranquilizer to help them through the flight. Well, HELLO humans - why are the canines the only species benefiting from this extremely smart coping mechanism? Listen, the airlines are looking for things to charge us for, why not DRUGS that make us better passengers? Let's get this option on the beverage cart! I know, right? Can you see it?

Flight attendant: "A Diet Coke? You betcha. What would you like with that? Quaalude? Valium? Ambien? Xanax? Yes, I'll hold the ice. A pillow? Down or tempurpedic?"

Sleepy, calm passengers who are paying more money to the airlines? Oh, win-win. Sign me up. Until I get that private jet through working 3-days-a-week, I'd be all for this proposed program. Diet Coke, Valium, hold the ice, down pillow - THANKS. [and a nose plug? should we add that too?]

So, since I was stranded at home today with my post-vacation musings and my flat tire - I decided to make us a little treat for tonight. I suppose it's a little last hurrah toward our vacation...




















Chocolate Mousse

I must admit, I had major preconceptions about mousse. I just always felt it was chocolate pudding in high heels. Nothing special, nothing to get the least bit excited about, certainly nothing to blow your hair back. Wow, was I WRONG. Chocolate Mousse, my apologies for the pre-judgment. This isn't a classic mousse as it doesn't contain eggs, which may thus make it more amenable for children for those of you who don't like to use raw eggs. It's super chocolaty and rich and incredible - and FAR, far beyond what we were expecting in terms of deliciousness. Super easy to make, elegant, and decadent. LOVED IT. This dessert is totally worthy of heels - you could serve this baby in heels. And nothing else, for that matter.

2 c. heavy whipping cream
8 oz. semisweet chocolate, finely chopped
1 tsp. vanilla
pinch of salt

Bring 1/2 c. of the cream just to a boil in a medium saucepan over medium heat, then remove pan from heat. Add chocolate and whisk until smooth. Whisk in vanilla and salt; transfer to medium bowl and allow to cool to room temperature.

Whip the remaining cream with an electric mixer on medium-high speed until the beaters begin to leave trails in the cream. Add the chocolate in 3 separate batches, beating on low speed just until well blended; the mixture might look curdled after adding the first batch, but it will become creamy.

Transfer mixture to one large serving bowl or 4 stemmed glasses. Refrigerate and cover for at least 30 minutes and up to 2 days. Serve with crumbled meringue, whipped cream, or grated dark chocolate. ENJOY!

Overheard In Our Household

T: I'll turn off the lights up here.
A: My god, it's a miracle.
_____

A (loudly, to dog): Wylie, don't look at me like that about your father!
[Me, always trying to hint that I'm favored by the dogs. So dumb.]
_____

T: Goodnight, honey.
A: What's that supposed to mean?
[It really just meant that I HAD to stop my incessant insomniac drone]
_____

T: You wanna go along on this trip with me?
A: At the last minute? What about the dogs?
T: We can figure it out.
A: You mean I can figure it out, make 8 zillion calls and totally stress about it, last minute?
T: Yeah, that. But...
A: No, I'll stay here and stress instead.
_____

During a recent total shut-in weekend:
A: Wanna go get Chipotle?
T: We'd have to leave the house?
A: Yeah.
T: Oh. Hmmm. Then, no.
A: Yeah, seems like too much, doesn't it?
[Wow, huh? Think we stayed in our pajamas the entire weekend, livin' LARGE.]
_____

A: Let's move to Amsterdam.
T: What would we do for a living?
A: Smoke pot, of course! [right, we barely drink]
T: Oh, okay - and how would we pay for that?
A: We could charge people to look at our dogs.
T: Why would people pay for that?
A: Because they're THAT cute, duh!
T: [Exhales, shakes head, walks away...]
_____

A: Do you think I'm generally overall weird?
T: Yes.
A: Do you think other people think I'm weird?
T: Well, yeah, but it's a good weird.
A: A good weird? Well what does that mean, exactly?
T: Just a good weird, like an eclectic weird.
A: Hmmm. Well, then - what would a bad weird be?
T:
A: Uh huh.
_____

Any good "Overheards" in your household lately?