Monday, October 13, 2008

Where I Irritate Everyone Not In The Desert

I live in the desert. Which means, for the last few months we've pretty much lived with 3-digit temperatures every single day. But it's a dry heat. Screw that dry heat. Listen, I don't care if it's dry, wet, or moist - when it's 115 degrees outside, the dew point can suck it no matter what, as far as I'm concerned.

Well, this weekend, my dears? The high on Saturday was ONLY 74 degrees. WHAT? Yes. We ran around the block twice screaming the f-word because nothing else would suffice to express the level of our elation. After the cops left, we took the dogs for a walk (they even barked the f-word!) - and they had so much territory to re-mark since the Spring, I think they strained a kidney.

The next day, the high was 77 degrees. I KNOW, right!!? So we went for a 2-hour hike/run and felt all superior about ourselves for living where we do with all this GLORIOUS weather. Every time we'd pass someone on the trail, Tony would say to me something like "Can you believe we saw that moose back there?" or "Should we report that tiger to the Park Ranger?" or "I didn't know there were pythons in Arizona!!" - because he is hysterical that way and because the weather, clearly, made us behave as if we were on drugs while convincing us both that we are indeed funny to the outside world. We don't learn from experience, you see.

Anyway, people always ask what it's like to live in the desert in the summer. I always say, take a hair dryer, put it on its hottest setting, then turn it on high - point it at yourself - for 3 months. That's kind of what it's like. Only worse, when you consider that one thingy called the Sun. So, now that we're heading into 9 months of staggeringly beautiful weather, please forgive me this indulgent and annoying post where I go all fruity about the weather. It's like we've been without water for 3 months and just took a big slug. Ahhhhhhh.

31 comments:

Yankee1969 said...

Wasn't the weather great? My poor Minnesota-raised girlfriend has become such an AZ native that she was cold when it was in the mid-70s. I myself shamed my Maine heritage when I felt a tad chilly as well. Still, aside from the wind on Sat, it was a glorious weekend. I would just stop randomly in my tracks and enjoy it. :)

NV said...

Been glorious in St. Louis, too. Sunny and 80-ish -- in freakin' October! You gotta love it, especially since it will all come to an abrupt in very soon.

Glad you're finally getting a break.

Tanya said...

I can't say I feel sorry for you and those three months of heat, because while our summers in Chicago are usually quite beautiful, we get another 9 months of freezing cold temperatures and lots of snow. The stream of expletives that comes out of my mouth on a winter day would make a sailor blush. :)

diva said...

OMG! hairdryer in your face for 3 months..mental! i was born on a tropical island on the fuckin' equator so it's always great to be in England - with the wet, cold, grey anyday. right now, i think you're a complete saint (on drugs) for surviving in a desert rock on ann! xxx

Clumbsy Cookie said...

A hairdryer in your face for 3 months! That's a lot of electricity and moisturiser!
Enjoy your nice weather!!!

flutter said...

yeah and it's supposed to be freakin 96 degrees this weekend. I just want to not sweat to death FOR ONE DAY THANK YOU

Adam said...

Well 3 months of suckiness isn't too bad if the other 9 are sweet, right? Then again, I don't use a hair dryer, so I wouldn't know :)

Oh, and totally agree with you on the gym talking thing. While I enjoy cute girls as much as the next guy, I need 100% focus when I lift weights. If I stare somewhere I shouldn't, well a bar is going to crash down on me :)

Meagan said...

I would have loved to witness the two of you running around the block shouting f*ck over and over. In fact, I think I want to be your neighbor, period.

Sheila B. said...

We are soon to face winter here and will soon be facing about 7 months of non-glorious weather. So, while you are coming out of suck-it season, we are entering suck-it. I am not a fan of winter and would take your hot summer any day of the week. Even though, apparently, you must fight tigers on your hiking trails...

Brittany said...

Amazing. I don't know how you do it.
I'm a Seattle Native- I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure I melt once the temp goes over 90. Dry heat or not.

Brittany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Real Live Lesbian said...

It's been gorgeous here in TN for the past week...80's. But tomorrow, we're going to hit the 70s! And honestly, I'm so excited. It's like getting that banana seat psychedelic bike for Christmas back in the 70s! Wheeee!

Triple digits? I have no idea how you stand that. I would combust.

morton said...

........


....

..

you said "moist".

Oh, and I'm happy that while I'm currently suffering from tempatures in the low 40's, and preparing for another brutal winter, you're laughing it up on the trail while it's 70 outside.

jerk

Grace said...

i always thought i'd love to live in arizona, mostly for the food. talk about second thoughts...
meanwhile, tony's comments sound hilarious--i'd be right there with you, cracking up as we go. :)

John said...

Hahahaha, that's alright Ann, let your freak flag fly! Even here, where temperatures are much less severe, that first cool Fall day is indescribably refreshing. It puts EVERYBODY in a better mood. Enjoy!!!

And I thought I saw you on COPS! ; )

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

I wanna move THERE. Seriously, here in the midwest, snow has fallen. That is just ALL sorts of wrong.

Wanna swap? Oh come ON!

Lisa said...

Wow - sounds wonderful! It was raining sideways here yesterday - now sunny. you definitely pay your dues in the summer, so enjoy!

MonkeyGirl said...

There are pythons in AZ? Dang, now I need to rethink the Dr's orders to move to AZ. Seriously, every time I go into his office, he asks me when I'm going to move from this godforsaken allergy mecca!

Firefly said...

You just make my day, dear! You're the funniest person I know. Really, you could be a regular in the New Yorker, just like David Sedaris. Enjoy the weather!!!

the cheap chick said...

I like hearing other people's happy news - especially weather-related happiness. Even though I live in MN, and we are entering our 6 months of wintery HELL.

Laura @ Hungry and Frozen said...

Lol, I'm feeling the same way because we're finally coming into some heat here in New Zealand. Such a funny world. Totally laughed at the idea of your dogs cursing and peeing everywhere :)

Gigi said...

i know how you feel ann. i never thought summer would leave southern cali. but it has ...whoopee! i have even added extra miles to my running. i felt euphoric this week. enjoy the next 9 glorious months of perfect weather!

Jennifer H said...

You crack me up. And yes, it was sooo nice. I wore a sweater all day Saturday when we went up around Sedona. It was so fanfreakingtastic.

I'm giddy, too.

(you're hilarious)

Sugar said...

And THAT is why I heart Arizona! Get the guest house ready... I'm coming for a visit!

;)

Ingrid said...

I'm in Florida our heat is a nice moist, sticky, did I mention moist, humid heat.

Well, if you wouldn't mind hopping on over to my blog I've left you a little something chocolaty to pick up! Thx!
~ingrid

nicisme said...

I used to say that when we opened the door to go out, it was like opening the oven door and getting in.
Enjoy that glorious few months - I don't remember it being 9, more like 7, but then we were wimps.

RazorFamilyFarms.com said...

Having been to your part of the world during the heat of summer and then during the joy of whatever-you-want-to-call-the-season-where-you-are-not-contemplating-suicide. The only good use for the summer was tubing on the river. That's it. That's the one I found. And even that wasn't cool 'cause I lost my flip flops and ended up with burned toes from the rocks which were like 400 degrees.

Yep.

I don't know how you survive the summer. One cannot be tubing ALL the time.

Manager Mom said...

Oof. I'll think of you during my next Noreaster. Which is like pouring a glass of icewater on your head while you're standing naked in a meat locker.

The Introvert said...

I live in an area that's hot AND humid, which makes summer feel like you're living in someone's mouth. But, yeah. 115 degrees is 115 degrees. At that point it's just hot.

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