At the doctor's office this week, a conversation between me and the nurse:
Nurse: Do you smoke?
Me: No, but every year it's my New Year's Resolution to start smoking. Of course, I don't keep my resolutions.
Nurse: Smoking is terrible for your health, I'm sure you know that.
Me: Yeah, I was joking. Every year I say my New Year's Resolution is that I'm going to START smoking - but since every year I don't keep my resolutions, it's the perfect resolution. Get it? You can use it if you want!
Nurse: I hate smoking, so, I don't think I'd want to start.
Me: Um, yeah - that's kinda my point.
Nurse: [blank look] I'll bring you some anti-smoking literature before you leave.
You can all thank me now for never applying for a writing job for, oh, Friends or Seinfeld. I'm sure you can gather they were breaking down my door trying to access my brainage. You're welcome.