Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Four Naps And Two White Russians






















Things just don't always go as planned. See, I've been on vacation - and I thought that I'd write a post every few days or so - sure - why not? Well - I just don't have the time. Why not? Well that's because, apparently, I need to maintain and SCHEDULE FOUR NAPS a day, at present. I've gone pre-natal during this vacation. What the ___, you ask? Well, believe me, I'm asking the same thing. If my wretched soul is truly THIS tired - how the motherload am I even OPERATING on a day-to-day basis, right? I know, right!? For the love of godesses, I'm realizing it's a miracle I'm not a crack addict with my apparent lack of consciousness. And, what a riot I must be to take a vacation with "Oh, could you just hold this riveting conversation for a few 30-odd minutes or so, because I need to indulge my narcolepsy for just a smidge. See y'all in a bit!" Face plant.

On top of this sudden narcoleptic business (which is rather suspicious on the heels of that 5-month bout with insomnia - I wasn't born yesterday, sleeplessness!), I had a nasty run in with some Russians. You see, I hardly drink anymore at all - my body doesn't deal with it well. Well, the other night - I had a White Russian and damn if that thing didn't slither down my throat like the sweetest ambrosia ever. And then I overserved myself. I had another - I made it myself, pouring with glee and abandonment and without measurement. By midnight, I was in bed giggling to the point of not being able to breathe, I was writing in my journal - none of which is now legible - and I was tapping my forefinger on my head, giggling and saying to Tony "Ahmahgawd, I so wish you could be inside here, in my head right now, because there is such a party goin' on!" He was so proud of it all. It was a Mensa moment. Two drinks people, two. Pansy. The pain the next day? Beyond description here.

So, when I thought about posting a recipe or something this week - I fearfully visualized something like: Fill a medium saucepan with 2-3 inches of water and bring to a simmer. Fully submerge both hands in water and wait until the alkd aioguopel ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............

Yeah, don't think instructionals would be good right now. So, I'll reimerge into civilization on Monday - hopefully intact and all napped out. I wonder though...is this what vacation is for - your brain just kind of goes mushy, your "I'm Not Tired" button finally blows a fuse, and 2 drinks can blow your hair back?

I will say though: I'm sleepin' in, I sit all day by a lake, it's 80 degrees, it's green and lush and humid, I go for a walk or a run, I nap (duh), go for boat rides, eat, read, and am surrounded by people and doggies whom I love...DIVINE. Except for the Russians.

24 comments:

Ty'sMommy said...

Oh. My. God. I cannot contain my amusement. Thank you. I, myself, am just back at work after a 10 day absense that some people refer to as a vacation. Personally, I have dubbed that lost chunk of my life "Potty Training Hell". Yes, that's right, I was at home for 10 straight days, 24/7, with my 3 year old son, trying to convince him that he no longer needs diapers....All I can really say is - I'm jealous of your Russians. I could use a couple of good drinks right now, but in ther meantime, I am just happy to be back in the sanctuary I call "work". Enjoy the vacation while it lasts!

morton said...

I would have loved to have a vacation similar to yours, but there are two reasons why I wasn't able to:

1.) I have two children, and said children have a need (or at least they think it's a need) to be constantly entertained. Therefore, no relaxing vacation. We had stuff to do!

2.) My wife actually suffers from true blue narcolepsy (I'm hiding my anger for you and your careless mentioning of this affliction) and therefore, when I'm actually home, it is my responsibility to keep her awake.

Have a good vacation, jerk.

Oh, and be expecting another random pointless email...

Clumbsy Cookie said...

I've missed you Ann! Stupid Russians that keep you away from us! We allways say here we need vacation to recover from vacation!
Enjoy your last napping days, maybe you should consider moving to Spain, where they have siesta everyday. Everything is closed during the afternoon so I you have no choice but sleep... hard life!...

diva said...

you are the queen, you lightweight! Hilarious. Well, given, I suppose your white russian (the second dose) was pretty lethal...

beautiful.
hangovers rule.

Tanya said...

Geez, this sounds like me on a daily basis (the napping part, not the drunk part). If I have the time, I'll nap. I love naps. My husband hates it because I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. And I used to be an insomniac as well. I suppose I'm just catching up.

And I don't drink very much either, but if I go for that second drink, watch out! I get stupid drunk.

NV said...

I'm living vicariously through you, girl! My vacation has been filled with bricks, mortar, bricks, shrubs, bricks, more mortar, fencing, and well, bricks. I DID catch a nap the other day and it was DIVINE - till the trash truck clambered down the alley and woke me up!

Sugar said...

I want what you're having! Naps and Russians and Parties in Noggin' sound really really good right now.

And by the way, your brain is totally hilarious on vacation!

Jennifer H said...

80 degrees? I'm going to pretend I remember what that feels like.

Have a great time, and take all the naps you need!

Shaye said...

Dang that Boris and Natasha!!

(Wow, you really are a cheap date, huh?) ;)

Hey, I'm right with you on those naps lately. I actually took a pregnancy test this morning--I've been so tired. (Negatory, btw.)

Hopefully you'll just catch up on all of your sleep now, and be back to normal when you come back to civilization Monday. Just enjoy it while it lasts! (And be thankful it *isn't* prenatal.)

standing still said...

Friday. That's when we leave for our .... zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Huh what? Where am I?

Kate said...

I have been extremely tired/fatigued.. and do not have the luxury of 4 naps - for some reason my boss doesn't accomodate my needs in that way. Stupid boss! LOL!

But thank you for your post. I can relate so well!

Mine is thyroid related - so my doctor says - and I'm told the end is in sight, as I am now on a higher dose of meds.

I hope you get rested. I know how awful that tiredness can be!

Kate

Anonymous said...

I do sit by a lake, go for boat rides (fishen), eat, & read surrounded by people & a cat I love but it's 90 & I don't run - should have come join me.......

Grace said...

sounds like one heck of an ideal vacation to me, all the way down to the white russians. i'm a featherweight when it comes to booze too--one would probably send me to la-la land. :)

Meagan said...

Face plant, yep, that's me on vacation as well. I think the body just finally knows it can finally relax and it just gives up for a while. The eyelids suddenly weigh ten pounds each, it's crazy.

sarah b. said...

Oh, white russians. Been there, felt it the next morning. So much fun, so much pain. Thanks for the giggles.

Ty'sMommy said...

Oh! I almost forgot! Next time you're in the mood for White Russians, remind me to send you my recipe for homemade Kahlua....it makes all the difference. It has become a staple in my house. LOVE it.

Razor Family Farms said...

Drinking on vacation? Who does that? I can't even remember my last trip to Freeport (Bahamas). They tell me that I had a GREAT time. I wouldn't know.

:)

But I'd like to try again and see how little I can remember the second go 'round!

Blessings!
Lacy

Lisa said...

Hey Ann - LOL-
- what a great post!
I have been surviving on alcohol, caffiene and 5 hours of sleep each night - Yipes!! Enjoy the down time! L

Laura @ Hungry and Frozen said...

Ann, you're back! :) Glad to hear about the napping, sorry to hear about the hangover...for future reference, a chocolate bar tucked into a white bread roll and eaten is a surprisingly effective cure. Sitting all day by a lake sounds so good right now. Enjoy!

Firefly said...

Ann, sounds reeeaal relaxing up at the lake. Ha! You crack me up, girlfriend. I, too, am a light-weight when it comes to drinking. I love the "romance" of drinking, but the reality usually kicks my butt, so I don't do it often and then just a little. I did learn how to drink vodka like a true Russian a few nights ago, though. You need a shot of vodka (we had Grey Goose), a piece of rye bread, and a dill pickle. Drink the vodka, smell the bread, take a bite of pickle. Repeat until the bottle is gone. Hopefully, you'll be drinking with 20 other people, otherwise downing that bottle will be quite a feat. We all only had one or two shots and we didn't follow the prescription to down the entire bottle--it was book club night, after all. But we were reading Anna Karenina, and you know how it ends, so we had to drink to her.

Gigi said...

I loved your vacation! If you insert trashy mystery novels you would be describing my vacation! Ann you always make me laugh!

Marissa said...

I want to go on vacation with you: naps, white russians, dogs, lakes, giggles, hangovers, books, eating. Yep, this is my kind of deal. Thanks for the entertainment and have a lovely vacation!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only lightweight or face-planter. :)

Sugar said...

Are you back yet? Need a Velvet Lava fix!