Thursday, June 26, 2008

Would You Bite This Face?




















Okay, well, maybe a nibble - but I digress already.

I've been waging a war in my own backyard. The other morning, my furlicious love muffin, Marcel Verdel Purcell, came in from the yard in some kind of terrible distress. So, I scooped his shaking little body up into my arms - and hello - some ants crawled from his beard onto my hand. FIRE ANTS. Otherwise known as little fuckers. I'm sorry for the language, but please, in this case - it applies in no uncertain terms. A small army of these militants invaded my Marcel and were biting him! He is okay - the ants were removed, liquid benadryl given, and many kisses were doled out to his deliciousness. But let me tell you - the reason they're called fire ants? Yeah, because the bite feels like FIRE. Probably didn't need to point that out, but I'm driving it home.

But Mama Bear? OH. Mama Bear is PISSED. Normally, I don't kill insects - the creaturist in me just feels bad about it - so I bring them outside and tell them to please stay there next time, go find your own mortgage. But the fire ants? They are GOIN' DOWN, people. It'd be one thing if they had bitten me - because I'm sure I have some karma to pay. I'm sure I even have some insect-specific karma to pay - there are probably plenty of insects who want to stick it to me, and that's fine. Take the karma, just take it already.






















But Marcel? This little 3.4-pound creature who spends his days spreading joy, blasting out love, and licking nostrils? I am quite sure he has no real karma to pay - at least not in the form of these bastard fire ants. These war mongers. And nobody, and I mean nobody, messes with my dogs. Mama.Bear.Grows.Fangs.

So, I don't care what it takes - but if I have to wear a Hazmat Suit and some night vision goggles - and crawl amidst the cacti and the geckos and the spiders in my backyard: I WILL end the colonization that has taken over my backyard. And the Queen Ant of all these little bastards? I don't know where that bitch is, but I'll find her. I'm sure she's sitting on some little poof of special queen sand while her male underlings bring her food and MORE FOOD and she orders them to bite bite MORE BITE. Well I just cannot get on board with that level of gluttony and servitude - and I AM COMIN' for you, princess.

That is all.

[Update 4 hrs. later: Phew! That felt good. Now that it's off my chest: isn't he just the cutest widdle nookie wookie wub dub? Don't you just wanna get up in there and smushie wooshie cushie fooshie? Oh shut up, self.]

23 comments:

Lisa said...

Oh Ann - I feel your rage! nothing like a good rant to clean out the pipes and start the day . . . Man, I could feel the hair raise up on my arms when I thought about anyone hurting my pooter dooter dog! h
ave a great day, and wear gloves and a mask! xo - Lisa

NV said...

Poor li'l Marcel (still the best name in all of dogdom)!!!

I can just imagine how p'od you are. I would be just as angry and just as determined. Time for some serious medieval vigilante justice.
GO TEAR 'EM UP girl. Raid makes some serious anti-ant spray, BTW. Had issues a few summers back not with fire ants, but with GIANT killer ants. These babies were larger than my first car!

And of course, all this ire conveyed with your usual good humor. (Go get your own mortgage. Still chucklin' from that one.)Kiss that darlin' baby face for me and go get medieval on some bugs!

firefly546 said...

Poor little Marcel! His royal innocence certainly does not deserve to be bitten by anyone or anything. No doubt he is karma-pure and those fire ants, well, let's just say they screwed up big time, and as for their karma, those ants are going to be amoebas in the next life. I say "kill" them. Besides, there must be some good karma in that act simply for protecting Marcel. And you - you're a sentient being. "May all sentient beings be happy," right? Did getting bitten by fire ants make you happy? No. My point. I think karma actually demands that they die and try again in the next life.

Jennifer H said...

Oh, it's on!

Those fire ants are evil little bastards. One time at Saguaro Lake, my daughter got them all over her. And in her curly hair, which made it very hard to find them all. We did, but 4 years later (she was 3), she still remembers it.

Kill 'em.

Clumbsy Cookie said...

Maybe they smelled cumin and thought poor little marcel was a walking hairy well seasoned piece of chicken... Still they deserve no mercy or forgiveness! You go girl, you tell that princess how rules!

Laura @ Hungry and Frozen said...

That dog! So very cute :) My mum has a crazy vendetta against ants, she swears by pouring boiling water (which is obvs non toxic and plants seem to handle it) on to the little buggers.

Sarah B. said...

OMG he is adorable! Take them out, they are done, it's over. Those little fuckers.

Ann said...

Lisa - OH YEAH, these pipes are clean and ready to rumble!

NV - kisses goin' out and the vigilante as well!

Firefly - your post cleansed me of any residual guilt: they can move along to the next life and just try again, but better.

Jennifer - That's right, girl. It is ON! Bring it!

Clumbsy Cookie - The CUMIN! Maybe he smells so damn good no on can resist him! I'm going to have to stink him up a bit...

Laura - I think I'm going to fly your Mum in from New Zealand, pronto.

Sarah B. - Uh huh, totally nodding with you! F bombs all around.

Meagan said...

How can anything bite this little face? I think he is one of the cutest little dogs I may have ever seen. Give those ants hell. Bring it.

Sugar said...

POOOOOR BABY! Ouch! I can't imagine what his desperate little yelps might have sounded like. Sweet little thing. Lovin' the clippies in the hair, by the way. Very cute!

Kelsey said...

You GO girl! You get that queen and take her down. He is too adorable, it's ridiculous.

Fire ants, as you probably know, can kill small dogs; so you're lucky you got to him quickly. We have fire ants everywhere here.

kspin said...

Marcel is just about the cutest thing I have ever seen, especially with the barrett. (sp?) Adorable! And I swear he is posing too!

Good luck Terminator!!

HEATHER said...

Oh he is a baby doll!
So precious!
Fire ants suck!

Grace said...

3.4 pounds? how can you not morph into a baby-talker whenever he's around? what a cutie patootie.

good luck with your vendetta. :)

sleepyjane said...

He just may be the most adorable little doggie I have EVER seen - apart from my puppies that is - but OMG. Can I hold him?!

Manager Mom said...

He IS a cute dog. Might I suggest your local branch of Terminix to rain hell on your fire ants? Then you can stay lookin' all cute. No crawling required.

asthmagirl said...

He's adorable... I have a squishy heart for little dog faces!

Death to the fire ants!

Kimberly said...

I would absolutely nibble on that face and those ears and that little butt.........actually I would like it if you did that for me.

Kill them ALL! And I don't kill animals either however, Hallie Ann had a tick last weekend and I did get a certain pleasure out of watching it drown a slow, violent death in my toilet after I removed it from sucking the blood in her head. That was a week ago, I'm not still angry (I don't think).

Lore said...

Oh poor Marcel! Good thing he's okay now. He's too cute!!! I keep looking at the photos and can't get myself to leave haha :)

diva said...

cute dog! awww.

anyway, i've passed on a MEME tag to you. check it out on my blog :)

giz said...

Even for ants, this tiny little Yorkie wouldn't even make appetizer - shows you how stupid they are. I hope you get to the source. Maybe you need to fight fire with fire.

Laura said...

That's terrible! I was dragged through a pile of fire ants when I was a kid (little (but bigger) brother and an older cousin--and oh yes they paid) so I feel your poor puppy's pain. I hope you destroy every last one!

Razor Family Farms said...

I hate fire ants. They spell certain death for me (I carry Epi-pens wherever I go). Those evil nasty things are all over Georgia. I'd like to shake the mad scientist that decided to bring them here. Hate, hate, hate that guy. Oh, and you know it was a man. He probably thought they would eat the crab grass from his yard or something. Sigh.

Not that I'm a man-hater or anything. Nope. I'm lovin' my man. He's a keeper. (Pssstt... could you just come over here and keep him away from me while I'm trying to type? He's driving me nuts. He keeps asking questions! Argh!)

Blessings!
Lacy