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Ya know that upcoming Football Thingy? What is it? The Uber Bowl? The Pooper Bowl? AH! THE SUPER BOWL! That's it. Just super.
Well the thing is, the REAL thing of it - is that the Super Bowl always falls on my birthday weekend! How rude is that? Does the NFL just not care about the day I was born? I feel so insignificant - like a pea without a pod, a grain of sand without an hourglass, a pickle without a pregnancy, a Viagra email without a spam destination, a fax minus its cover sheet, a bank with no bailout money, a Cheney with no one to shoot at. STOP ME. Shut up self. Wow that was fun.
Anyway, LAST YEAR for my birthday we were thinking where-oh-where shall we go for this VERY significant day of my birth? Well, nowhere, Miss Coversheetless Fax, because the Super Bowl was right here in Phoenix. That's right! You want a flight in or out of Phoenix? Well good luck with your inner-private-jet because that's as close to the jet stream you're going to get! Uh huh. And noooo you can't go to Vegas because everyone there is there for the Superbowl too - so just forget it!
So THIS YEAR, we were again talking about where to go, what to do, and again, Vegas comes up because it's so very close - an hour's flight away. But alas, it seems there are no deals in Sin City over the BIG weekend. Do you now see my suffering? It's a first-world problem, I know, but still.
All I have to say is, it's a good thing I'm not big on celebrations - that I'm actually really low key about my birthday. You didn't pick up on that? Oh yeah. In reality, I'm just ho-hum about almost all traditional celebrations, but especially ones that are focused on me. I think it's others who feel like they have to make the day special. But really, a simple card will do. I'm easy that way.
This year, however, there will be a little twist to the weekend - Arizona is IN the Super Bowl! For the first time in, like, a thousand years! I think the last time they went, pterodactyls were still roaming the Mother Ship. This is what I hear. I'm not a big sportician, but I actually saw the playoff game and enjoyed it! What le heck? Who am I? It was a roller coaster though - a few times I thought I was going to blow a capillary and it was touch and go.
So I don't know...I'm kind of looking forward to the game next weekend. Who said that? I said that. If I was already in a grave - I'd be rolling over in it right now. But I'm not, so I can't. And that's a good thing actually because I don't like eating dirt. Instead, I'd rather eat this dip....
It is a real departure for this blog, but I'm going to post a NON-DESSERT recipe. I know, right! My grains of sugar are organizing a mutiny as we speak - the flour is going to throw itself at my faux-fur. It's a shocker. But for this upcoming chip-and-dip weekend...I give you this anomaly....
Mexican Artichoke Dip
I used to make this dip about 10 years ago, but had forgotten all about it until my sister recently asked me for the recipe. Since December, I've been making it again and - WOW - why did I ever stop making it? We like it with tortilla chips; and honestly, we've been "liking it" about every single weekend since I rediscovered it. So, I should actually say we love it. We can't get enough of it right now. It's a rather healthy little dip, and it's low fat and all - but with the quantities we're consuming, I'm just not sure it's healthy at all, but there you have it. Even better? It could not be easier to throw together.
1 c. light mayo (or, fat free)
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, grated
1 c. soft breadcrumbs
1/2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp. hot pepper sauce
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
2 cans (14 oz. each) artichoke hearts, drained and roughly chopped
1 can (4 oz.) chopped green chilies
Cooking spray
Preheat oven to 350F. In a large bowl, combine mayo, Parmesan, breadcrumbs, Worcestershire, hot pepper sauce and garlic powder. Gently fold in artichokes and green chilies. Spoon mixture into a casserole dish (or any oven-proof dish) coated with cooking spray. Cover and bake for 20 minutes. Serve with tortilla chips, pita wedges, melba rounds, or veggies. Makes about 4 cups. ENJOY!
My ancestry is chock full of French-ness. And, I admit to being a bit of a francophile. There are no medications for it, so please don't slay me over it. Even worse, right now I'm reading "Marie Antoinette: The Journey" and cannot get enough of it. It's really an illness. I've been cussing in French for weeks now - and all of it sounds so much more delicious in French, really! I feel so delicate tossing out f-bombs in francaise. Mais bien sur!
With this book I'm reading, I find myself fantasizing about wearing all those poufy dresses and wigs and hats. And then I realize I'm wearing flannel pajama pants. I wonder if I'd have been a good duchess or countess. And then I remember that I cringe when someone says "Miss" or "Ma'am" to me. I dream of all those balls and social extravaganzas. And then I recall that I'm a total homebody; I practically need rocket fuel to propel my butt out of the house.
So, maybe it's not my era. But if I could choose a super-power? Puh-lease, hands down - time travel. Can you imagine? Oh swoon.
Well, with all this Frenchification and armchair time-traveling lately, I thought I might make something, well, French and, well, from another era. Duh. So hard to follow, no? Um, no.
What I decided upon, mon amies, was Calissons. What le heck are they, you ask? There are a few historical versions of their origin, but apparently this confectionery was introduced in 1473 for the wedding dinner of King Rene's second marriage. Later, during the 19th century, Calisson factories sprouted up and today, the capital of Calisson production is found in the Provence region.
Now, since I'm French and all - I thought mine would turn out just perfectly. You know, my French blood and everything. Makes sense to moi. Well, I don't think mine turned out quite right, despite all those French cells screaming through my bone marrow. I just don't get it.
But anyway, on the subject of time travel, what era would you blast yourself into, if you could?
Calissons
I honestly can't recall from where I obtained this recipe - somewhere on the intertwined interwebs; usually, I print out a recipe and include the name of the creator. In this case, clearly my French blood interfered. Anyway, these taste a bit like Marzipan but with a nice hint of fruity flavor and, to me, a yummier slant of sweetness than Marzipan. The color of the nougat should actually be more homogeneous and smoother - mine appear a bit funky because there was still some skin on my sliced almonds and I'm not sure I ground them fine enough. Dang me. They are extremely easy to make and a nice little treat if you like almondy flavors with a hint of fruit. This is a translated recipe, so forgive the annoying measurements. It's not you, it's me.
6.3 oz. ground almonds
3 oz. powdered sugar
1.75 oz. apricot jam
1/4 tsp. almond extract
2 tsp. orange blossom flower water
For the icing: 1 egg white & 3/4 c. powdered sugar (and milk, if needed, to thin icing)
In a food processor, grind almonds as fine as possible. Add sugar and pulse until combined, just a few seconds. Add jam, extract, orange water and process until it forms a smooth paste - it may ball-up in the processor, indicating it's finished combining. It will be a sticky dough, but form it into a ball and place on a large piece of plastic wrap (the piece should be much bigger than the ball) - place another piece of wrap on top of the ball and then roll the dough out (rolling on top of the 2nd piece of wrap) until about 1/4 inch thick. Uncover and leave at room temperature for 1-2 hours or until the dough is not sticky to the touch.
If you have an almond-shaped cutter, use that as it is the traditional shape. If not, use a small round cutter and then use a knife to cut each circle in half. Alternatively, you could use a knife to hand-cut almond shapes. Place cut-outs on a baking sheet lined with parchment and refrigerate for about an hour or until the candies are firm.
For the icing, mix together the egg white and powdered sugar; if too thick, add a bit of milk. It should have the consistency of a thick syrup. Dip the top of each Calisson into the icing, letting the excess drip off, then place onto the parchment. Repeat with the remaining candies and then let them sit at room temperature overnight. ENJOY!
My dogs were tagged decades ago by YD - decades ago! They took forever with their answers - plus, Wylie wanted a new photo so we had to wait for a good fur day. Quelle the drama! Also, they typed in their answers using their paws; have you ever tried to edit paw-typing? I didn't think so. Well anyway, here are their answers to the meme/tag...
What breed are you?
Wylie: Yorkshire Terrier, obviously.
Marcel: What he said, but without the obviously.
How old are you?
Wylie: I am 4 1/2, but am going on 50. No matter what my parents tell me, I feel the world rests on my shoulders and it clearly ages me. I feel my fur is thinning and I'm wondering about fur plugs.
Marcel: I am 2, but I feel 1 & 3/4 actually.
What is your full name?
Wylie: Wylie "The Floop" Fitzsmudge
Marcel: Marcel Verdel Purcell
Do you have any nicknames?
Wylie: My main nickname is Floop. Others are: The Little, Wi-fi, Floopinator, Floopindigenous.
Marcel: The Triple Little, The Verdel, MVP, Verdellion, Punkin'.
Where do you usually sleep?
Wylie: Under the covers, curled up against my Dad.
Marcel: Under the covers, curled up against my Mom.
What is your favorite thing to do?
Wylie: Fetch, fetch, and fetch. And then also fetch. Although I do like chewing bones. And I like going for walks so I can acquire territory through various bodily functions.
Marcel: Licking nostrils. It's like a drug. Probably better than sex; though I've never had the sex. I do hump a stuffed toy though.
What is something unusual/interesting about you?
Wylie: Excuse me? Um, EVERYTHING about me is unusual and interesting.
Marcel: For only weighing 3 pounds, my manhood is simply ginormous. My Dad, Tony, always says "like father, like son". I don't know what that means.
Who is your best friend?
Wylie: I'm a daddy's boy. But I also love my Mom; I tolerate Marcel. I guess I like him sometimes but not really all that often. I'd rather he didn't know I like him sometimes.
Marcel: My Mom. But I love Dad and Wylie too.
Did you go to obedience school? If yes, were you Top Dog or did you flunk out?
Wylie: I went, I saw, I conquered. I was the smallest dog there, but I rocked the class. My graduation trick was "Touchdown!", which just totally slayed the other mutts. There was a boxer there, a total freak - and he just sat and stared at me the entire time, every class. I don't know if he wanted to kill me or just sniff my butt.
Marcel: Obedience? What is that? Never heard of the thing.
Can you do any tricks?
Wylie: Um, duh. See above answer.
Marcel: Yes! I can pee on carpet just like *that*. Nobody even has to ask me!
Any last comments?
Wylie: Well, even though I was a McCain supporter, I just want to say that I'm excited about a new dog in the big house. I strongly think Obama should consider a yorkie; I mean, we don't have fur, we have hair - therefore, we're clearly the most intelligent choice for a kid with allergies. And for those who always say yorkies are too smart for their own good? I say - jealous much?
Marcel: I don't know what Wylie ever saw in McCain. Paws down, Obama was the clear choice from the get-go. Plus, did you see him on Ellen? That dude can shake what his Mama gave him, a skill every world leader should have. I really do wonder what Presidential-nostril tastes like, sure wish I could get me some.
____________
As usual, I won't tag anyone - but if your pets want to answer a few questions, consider yourself dog-tagged.
Well, what are you up to for New Year's Eve? We are doing shots of Jagermeister until we pass out. That's all. Okay no - we're going out early to a neighborhood joint for sushification. Then, Tony has insisted upon Lava Cakes for dessert later. He is just SO unreasonable and demanding. Guess I'll have to jam a damn Lava Cake into my belly. Sucks being me.
CHEERS TO A JOYOUS AND PEACEFUL NEW YEAR!
How about this? Oh yeah, baby. THIS is it.
Seriously, this is all we really want for dinner. This is the Red Velvet Cake that has been in my family for about 50 years. It's the original Red Velvet Cake - none of that cream cheese frosting crap or buttercream nonsense. This is the real thing. The first time I made it for Tony, he pretty much asked me to marry him all over again; it really is that powerful. You could harness the universe with the power of this thing, I venture. Here is my original post about this utterly ridiculous cake. And Abe, if you're reading this? Again, YES, it really IS that good. We aren't pulling your finger on this one.
Okay, so really - what else are we having for tonight's dinner? We are feasting on Lemon Pepper Popovers with a Gruyere bomb in the middle, Smoked Salmon Bisque, and King Crab (yes, again!).
And for dessert? The motherload of all cakes.
Happy Holidays to all! What are you having/did you have for the feast? Do tell!
Go ahead, lick the screen.
I'll admit it, I'm not a fan of the holidays. Make that NOT. In caps. In fact, I almost despise the holidays; there, I said it. I almost feel like I just committed a mortal sin, like I should recite 10 Hail Marys to absolve myself for admitting, in public, that I'm related to the Grinch. Sorry kids. I don't know the Hail Mary.
I'm not sure where it comes from, wholly. I suppose a large part of it is that the older I became, it seemed the stress of the holidays increased proportionately, until it no longer felt worthy of the price attached. More than that though, every year I cannot help but think of the last Christmas we spent with my Mom, when I was 20; we all fully knew it would be her last holiday with us - and Christmas was HER holiday. It was painful and poignant and heavy and sweet and horrid; she died four months later. I didn't want any more Christmases after that; I was done.
Still, the rest of the world just will NOT bend to my will - darn miscreants. So, I try to perform little bursts of holiday spirit here and there. For example, I like to sprinkle co-workers' officechair-seats with powdered sugar, to resemble snow. I like giving giftcards that have no monetary value. I like covering all of my Christmas cookies in black frosting. Okay no! I'm just fantasizing. Throwing myself a bone.
Now really, I do participate as best I can. Because we have the office holiday-party at our house, it motivates me to decorate a bit - mostly just a bunch of white string-lights and a teensy tree. And I buy gifts for my nieces and nephew (I love you Ellery and Ari, Grace and Emma, Peyton and Alex!!!); I mean, I'm not heartless (yet). And, Tony and me usually cook a really great meal together over the holiday, which we rarely have time for because he has such a real job. So see? A smattering of holidayness, a smidge. A dusting.
This past weekend, I got it into my head that I ought to try my hand at Marzipan Candy - something you often see more of around the holidays. Why not, thought I? Look at me all embracing the season, pondered Moi. SO impressed by my bad holiday self, exclaimed Thyself.
Oh enough of the internal dialogue...just read on for the Marzipan, if you so desire. Am I the only Grinch here? Do you love the holidays? Tolerate them? Wish you could time-warp past them? What say THEE?
Marzipan Candy
Okay, this recipe looked SO easy, SUCH a breeze! Well, let me warn you - there may be a few times during this recipe where you may think to yourself "Self, this effing sucks it all" - and wonder if you should proceed or chuck the mess in with the rubbish. Of course, it could just be my happy-go-lucky seasonal personality there, no? Nah. The deal is - this dough can be very sticky and difficult to work with. Besides that though, it really IS a simple recipe - and the resulting Marzipan Candy is quite delicious, if you like Marzipan. And many don't. And I still like you for it. What does Marzipan taste like, you ask? Well, it has a definite almond flavor, is sweet (but not cloying), and has a kind of grainy texture.
8 oz. almond paste
2 c. powdered sugar (+ more for rolling out)
1/4 c. corn syrup
food coloring (any color)
Over a medium bowl, break almond paste into small pieces. Add 1 c. of the sugar and work it in with your hands until mixture is crumbly. Add another 3/4 c. sugar and work in very well. Add corn syrup and work until completely incorporated (very sticky here; tried pastry cutter, didn't work). Sprinkle remaining sugar on a work surface and knead the dough until uniform, up to 5 minutes. If dough seems overly sticky, knead in more sugar. Form dough into disc, cover in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for an hour.
Sprinkle a work surface with powdered sugar. To color the dough, break off a palm-size piece of dough, add 2-3 drops and knead in the color until consistent; add more color if needed. Then, blend the colored dough into the larger portion you'd like to use for that color and knead until consistent. Continue to add sugar as needed to keep dough from sticking to surface.
Dust surface with sugar and roll out dough to 1/4-inch thick. Cut into desired shapes (free form cutting or using small cookie cutters) and place on wax paper. You can also hand-shape into "Marzipan Fruits" (apples, bananas etc.) or wreaths or candy canes or whatever; cooking stores often sell Marzipan molds as well. Allow to sit out for 24 hours, to dry. If the candies have extra powdered sugar on their surface after working with them, use a scantly moistened paintbrush or tiny cloth to remove sugar. The amount will depend on what shapes/sizes you make; I ended up with about 40 little candies - about 1.5-inch size. ENJOY!
