Well, I'm a solid. We've eaten so richly and naughtily over the last week, that surely we must be hydrogenated by now. We feel as if we should store ourselves as drippings under the sink in a used, rusty can - and just toss ourselves away with the rest of the rubbish.
We tried to make up for it by going for a hike/run on Sunday, yet we were sweating vegetable oil and butter and felt as if our legs were filled with Crisco; it was not at ALL joyous like last week's run. We were yelling the f-word for completely different reasons this week. Oh yes.
The cause of our solidification? Well, some bad-ass chocolate peanut butter bars which I'll never forgive myself for discovering - more on that in a bit. The other offender was a fantastic dinner on Saturday night - bread with fresh pesto (I wanted to drink it!), lobster bisque that was so buttery we almost lost our minds right there, 1 lb. of mussels (practically ate the shells), and main courses of fish and lobster. INSANITY. We were so full when we left, but by the time we got home? SOLIDS. Could not move. Miserable.
And of course - this divine, perfect, and miserable meal was hot on the heels of these godforsaken artery-clogging, cardiologist-funding, drool-inducing, loaves of chocolate-sugar-fat...
Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars
I shouldn't even post these. Listen, if you make these naughties, don't make a full batch because they will HAUNT YOU EVERY MOMENT UNTIL GONE! They're worse than The Blair Witch Project, I swear - haunting little shits. I have a love-hate relationship with some desserts, and this one is definitely on that list. Even worse (or better) is that there is NO baking involved - they are the easiest things EVER - how irritating is that? Totally, if you've spent any fair amount of time baking complicated things that turn out so-so. Hello, Me. So anyhow, if you make these - have plans for them immediately unless you are on a weight-gain diet, then go hog wild.
1 c. (2 sticks) butter, softened
1 c. crunchy peanut butter
3 c. powdered sugar, sifter
1 1/2 c. graham cracker crumbs
1 2/3 c. chocolate chips, semi-sweet
Line a 13x9 inch pan with aluminum foil. In a food processor, combine butter, peanut butter, sugar, and crumbs until a ball forms. Press mixture into the pan using a spatula.
Over a double-boiler, melt the chocolate chips. Stir, then spread over peanut butter mixture. Chill in refridgerator for about an hour. Allow to come to room temperature before cutting into squares. Store in refridgerator. Adapted from Paula Deen, who else uses that much butter? ENJOY!
I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge my accomplishment here.
ReplyDeleteSure, I had a comment planned. And sure, it was relevant to the post and probably sarcastic with a splash of vulgarity.
But I'm the first person to comment here. I mean, that means something doesn't it? Doesn't it?
So, instead of commenting on the post, I'm just going to take a minute or two to thank those that made this possible.
First and foremost I'd like to thank myself for being so on top of the ball, that I was able to get here first.
Second, I'd like to thank Twitter for showing Ann's tweet, which made me think, "Hey maybe she posted...".
Third I'd like to thank my employer for giving me such wonderfully fast internet service.
Thank you all.
Goodnight.
Nice one Morton!
ReplyDeleteThat meal sounds glorious. But you know, you've demonstrated wonderfully just how flexible the "f-word" really is and how one can apply it to so many different situations. Hence, it's my favorite cusser.
Well, in regard to Morton's comment above, I guess that makes me the bridesmaid (never the bride)! Damn! I actually think I may have commented first one time, come to think of it.
ReplyDeleteBut, Ann, on to you! you! you! Yes, you probably shouldn't have posted those luscious looking bars to tempt us all, but I think you're onto the misery loves company thing. Don't you find that when it comes to naughty eating that your spouse is worse than no help at all? As in you actually encourage each other. It's almost like an unspoken agreement that no one will say anything, until it's too late, all the food is eaten, and you can't eat anymore. Then it's moan and groan, we shouldn't have done that, but you do all over again the next time. That's how my hubby and I do it, anyway. We're looking a little rounder these days.
Love your post, as usual.
OH. MY. GOD.
ReplyDeleteI just gained five pounds READING that, DAMMIT!
I so love chocolate and peanut butter together. Bad deliciousness at its finest.
You may finally have forced me to try out new tools. KITCHEN tools.
Seriously, I love me some booty-fattening dessert! Thank you for posting this. I can't actually eat it, or Fox will totally revoke my contract, but I can DREAM, DAMN IT.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally hosed on this one. Mr. Monkeygirl totally hates peanut buter and refuses to even look at anything with peanut butter in it. I am so going to have to buy a new pair of pants!
ReplyDeleteHa! That Morton guy was pretty funny. Not only are YOU hilarious in your wit so are your commentors (?).
ReplyDeleteThanks for the recipe! Sounds like a perfect one to bring to the baseball field for a treat for the boys!
~ingrid
I wish I could have been at dinner ....sounded divine!
a) those are dangerous. I need them.
ReplyDeleteb) morton needs to read my blog and comment. NOW. ;p
For the first time in my entire life, I now own a scale - Evil Woman!
ReplyDeleteI think I became a solid just looking at these. And so easy! I could make these with my kids, what a great, quick recipe.
ReplyDeleteyou are a true food blogger honey! love your post, as always - but this one struck a chord within me - i'm hydrogenated too!!
ReplyDeletewas craving chips today during lunchtime. so i did. i went and got myself a massive plate of it. gosh how i love food. well done on these peanut butter bars! they are looking gooooood xxx
Graham crackers and peanut butter? I hate that you're already married.
ReplyDeleteDo we really even need to mold these into a pan? Or can we just stuff balls from the bowl into our mouths with a couple of chocolate chips?
Divine!
OH MY GOD, ANN!
ReplyDelete(translation: daayyyyyyyyummmm, those look good!)
: ))
Oh how I wish I live next door to you...will you move to my house?
ReplyDeleteGorgeous blog! I just had to come over and tell you I LOVED your comment about McCain on Dooce.
ReplyDeletePerfect. :)
I'm rolling on the floor here at THE OFFICE - about which they're thrilled - but can I help it?
ReplyDeleteI swear, I often think the comment-ers here are more entertaining than ANYTHING!!
Morton, you seriously deserve an award for that first post...LOVED IT.
can you even imagine the bliss of a weight-gain diet? my stars.
ReplyDeletemeanwhile, there's nothing quite like butter coming out one's pores, and it's an experience i like to have at least once a month. :)
Holy peanut butter! I mean seriously, how many more miles do I have to add to my running? Another 30? I feel like these bars might be totally worth the pain of running an insane amount miles. Am I right?
ReplyDeleteThanks looks and sounds so good. I think I'll have to give them a try!
ReplyDeleteOhhhh I know that feeling so well. TOO well :) But you gotta do it occasionally. That slice sounds like a Nigella one - hers didn't have biscuit crumbs in it though. It also sounds like the sort of thing I could eat the whole of...
ReplyDeletethese are like buckeyes but in a bar form!
ReplyDeleteHaha that was great. I'm guessing we could just put you on a shelf, and you'll have a half life of carbon-14 by now :) Oh well, it's a good thing the bars are all gone... wait, they ARE GONE right?
ReplyDeleteThat's nothing a good few runs, and truckloads of broccoli can't fix. If your head stops like SNL "SuperFans" style - DA BEARS - just hit yourself in the chest :)
My ass is pretty big already, thank you very much. LOL
ReplyDeleteThe bars look irresistible, Ann - I certainly can't have those around me! :)
That comment was pretty funny wasn't it?
ReplyDeleteNow who wants to sleep with me?
...
..
.
Anybody?
@ Morton - Ummm... your wife? Oh, wait - no, I've read your blog. Never mind.
ReplyDeleteI actually did happen upon the post when the comment field was pristine, new. I, too, could have claimed "first!", but I abstained, because... I never do that. I thought it was because it seemed silly and kind of presposterous. Now I know it's because I was making way for your superior first-comment skills. Things always work out as they should.
Plus, having read your blog, I realize your need and hunger to be first in anything, having lacked that distinction elsewhere; I'm happy to concede the way.
@Ann - I came late to mussel knowledge. There's an Irish pub here - a real Irish pub, they moved beams, bars and beer all the way from the Emerald Isle - that has *incredible* mussels; I'm so glad I discovered them there! Should you ever make it to Charlotte, you and I will dive into a pot and simmer away with those lovely bivalves. Beer's on me.
I'm tempted on going on a gain weight diet just to have these. Oh wait, don't I do that allreay? I think you should make a batch of these and send them to Morton!
ReplyDeleteOh yum. Oh bliss. Oh yes.... bring on that fat!
ReplyDeleteThe very words "chocolate and peanut butter" send me into fits of ecstasy and I generally always let out a girly squeal -- the likes of which Sarah Jessica Parker could only dream of doing.
Oh my word. Oh my stinking heck. I want some of those.
Blessings!
Lacy
Hi Ann, I wanted to let you know that your Wylie and Marcel got a "dog tag" from my girls. Please visit my blog to find out what it's all about.
ReplyDeleteDude. That bad ass peanut bar winked at me, so I BETTER BE GETTING ONE IN THE MAIL OVERNIGHT.
ReplyDeleteDaang girl, you are so talented in the kitchen, AND behind the camera.
I wish I hadn't clicked over here on an empty stomach.
ReplyDeleteMy tubby was growling by the clam bake menu, and now these bars.
I'm hungry
For all that food, I think it's worth it.
ReplyDeleteI want to know how it feels to be hydrogenated! I'm sure I'll remember the feeling from my fat days after having two babies back to back and a broken leg... but what the heck... these little yummies look too good to be afraid of. Plus, I hike/run every other day. Tbat should sweat the Crisco out sooner rather than later.
ReplyDeleteSweating crisco...I can't get that image out of my mind. Simply awesome!
ReplyDeleteMmmm... still drooling.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Lacy
a friend of mine made these not too long ago... and you are right, I couldn't rest until every last bit was eaten because they were so addictive!
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid if I made these, I would eat the whole batch. They look absolutely perfect!
ReplyDeleteThat´s not fair! I just managed to get sort of my personal "right shape", but now I discovered your blog with those tempting recipes. Damn!
ReplyDeleteThe Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars gonna be my fate..
Damn you! Those look tasty. And easy. Now I have to try them. Grrr...
ReplyDeleteGreat photos too!
These were SO freakin delicious. And I don't even like peanut butter and chocolate together. I.Could.Not.Stop.Eating.Them.
ReplyDeleteMy mouth thanks you - my hips, well, they can keep their opinion to themselves :)
You have to express more your opinion to attract more readers, because just a video or plain text without any personal approach is not that valuable. But it is just form my point of view
ReplyDeleteI read about it some days ago in another blog and the main things that you mention here are very similar
ReplyDelete