Five Reasons To Not Be Me, Plus Pie

Around the blogosphere, I run across all these "tags" and whatnots - similar to the chain emails where you have to fill out things such as "your 4 favorite movies" or "4 places you'd rather be right now" and then you pass the email on - you get the picture...it's the same with blog tags. Now, all of these are quite good natured as far as I can tell - and I just feel that natural pull to mix it up a little bit, naturally. Because sometimes when I read those "getting to know me" tags/emails, I find myself pondering oh their life sounds so perfect, I think I want their perfect life, when in all reality - it's all a bunch of imperfect perfectness. So, I thought I'd just go ahead and embrace it all in a gloriously-imperfect-sort-of-way and do a straight-shooting list called....

Five Reasons You Wouldn't Want To Be Me

1) I abhor the phone. I mean, it's like picking up a spider and putting it to my ear. Now, it's not that I don't want to talk to people (non-sales people, specifically) - it's just that, I can't tell people that I have to go now. Even worse, if I do work up to telling them I have to go, and then they sort of ignore it - and keep on talking - there will be absolutely NO way on the planet that I will be able to say it again. No. I may as well filet them open, remove their organs and sell them on the black market right then and there - that's how subversive it would feel in comparison to trying to get off the phone again. I'm that sensitive to thinking that it might hurt them to say I have to go yet again. So email? Blessing and a curse.

2) I adore the word hubris. J'adore it. I love that word, and have for years, but rarely have a chance to use it properly. Plus, when I do use it - people usually just look at me blankly or with a bit of shock and go - did you just say PUBIS?

3) I eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch every single day. The only variation is, at times, on the weekends when we go out to eat. Weird, I know. But mostly, it's just laziness. I don't want to think about breakfast - I just want to make it and cover all the nutritional bases, get out the door; and, I actually *love* my breakfast - it's like dessert to me. And lunch? I make it, bring it with, it's simple and nutritious - but it's got to be one of the goofiest lunches ever. It's a dumb lunch. I want to eat it in a dark closet, it's so dumb.

4) I don't like making plans, like ever. I like total flexibility at all times. I like all plans to be soft. How annoying is that? I mean, if friends ask in the beginning of the week to go to dinner on the weekend - instead of just being all, SURE, my mind may go into a tailspin thinking howIamsupposedtoknowifI'llfeellikegoingtodinnerthisweekendwhenit'sonlyMondaynow!
And a dentist or doctor appointment? I'll cancel about 4-6 times before I'll actually GO to the appointment, because it just all feels too inflexible to me. Why can't I just show up when it works for ME? Sometimes, I want to cup my hand around the phone when I'm calling to reschedule the appointment, just to disguise my voice and pretend I'm calling FOR ANN. How many readers did I just lose?

5) I'm an over-confirmer. For example, I can ask Tony if he likes, say, a piece of wood. And, here is how the conversation would go:

Ann: "Do you like that piece of wood?"
Tony: "I do like it"
Ann: "But do you really like it?"
Tony: "Yeah, I really do like it."
Ann: "Are you sure you like it, I mean really?"
Tony: "I really do."
Ann: "You're not just saying it because, say, I like it."
Tony: "No, I noticed it right away and liked it."
Ann: "So, you truly, actually, and genuinely like it?"
Tony: "I REALLY DO like it."
8 HOURS LATER...Ann: "So, you really did like the piece of wood from today, are you sure?"

It's a miracle I'm married. And for those of you wondering - YES, I'm emailing this list to my shrink as soon as I'm finished with it, not that she is in need of any new material, obviously.

Now, there is one reason I can think of that you might want to be me for an hour - perhaps so that you could make and then eat this chocolate pie.....

(And, if you want to play along - feel free to leave a comment with A Reason I Wouldn't Want To Be You, the self effacement is actually quite refreshing!)
















Chocolate Pie

I don't know why, but I was really hesitant in making a chocolate pie. For some reason, I just didn't think it could possibly taste good enough or chocolate-y enough - or anything-enough, frankly. But, Tony kept requesting it - so I caved. I figured if Nicole at Baking Bites recommended this silky little pie, who am I to argue? So, with Nicole as my sensei - I made my first chocolate pie - and, needless to say, it won't be the last. The texture is smooth, soft, creamy - and the taste is rich, deep, and definitely more chocolate-y than I was expecting. We loved it, it really was divine!

Dough
1 1/4 c. all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tbs. sugar
6 tbs. cold unsalted butter, cut into cubes
1/4 c. cold vegetable shortening, cubed
1/8 c. cold vodka
1/8 c. cold water

In a food processor (or using pastry cutter), combine 2/3 c. flour, salt, and sugar. Add butter and shortening and combine until dough clumps into size of small peas. Add remaining flour and combine until dough has broken up; transfer dough to medium bowl. Sprinkle vodka and water over mixture. Using rubber spatula, fold the mixture and press down on dough until it is tacky and sticks together. Form into a ball, flatten into a 4-inch disk, wrap in plastic and refrigerate at least 45 minutes or up to 2 days.

Next, par-bake the crust. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Roll out the dough on a flour-dusted surface, about 1.5 inches wider than the width of your pie pan. Transfer dough to your pie pan, gently laying it into the pan, without stretching the dough; prick bottom of dough with fork in a few spots. Trim excess dough off top of pie pan, and crimp edges with fingers. Line the dough with aluminum foil and fill with pie weights or with dried beans. Bake 10-12 minutes or until beginning to set. Remove foil with weights and bake 15-18 minutes or until golden. If shell puffs during baking, press down with back of spoon. Cool on wire rack.

Sinful Chocolate Filling
1/2 c. butter, room temperature
3/4 c. sugar
1 oz. semi-sweet chocolate, melted and cooled
1 oz. unsweetened chocolate, melted and cooled
1 tsp. vanilla
2 large eggs, room temperature

In large mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in chocolate and vanilla until combined. Add 1 egg and beat for 5 minutes (yes, FIVE minutes!). Add second egg, and beat for 5 minutes. Scrape down sides of bowl as needed. Filling should be smooth and creamy. Taste to confirm - and just to revel in the gloriousness of it all. Pour mixture into pie shell and smooth with spatula. Refrigerate for at least two hours, or until firm. Serve with whipped cream, dark chocolate curls or shavings. Enjoy! Adapted from Nicole at Baking Bites and Cooks Illustrated.